29 August 2009



ever heard of this stuff?

15Malaysia is 15 short films about Malaysia featuring some of the country's coolest directors, actors, musicians and politicians. The project is produced by Pete Teo and sponsored by P1.
at first i was skeptical, because i don't really like Malaysian movies. except for 'CINTA'. and i don't watch Malaysian movies that much.

but the second film titled 'chocolate', had attracted me. i like the main actress, sh. Amani, and i've heard that yasmin ahmad was a good director. so i download the Torrent and quickplayer just to watch it (agak leceh tapi nak tengok jugak!)
tenyata berbaloi usaha ku.
sebab 'chocolate' is kinda interesting.
tapi my most favourite film on this project is HOUSE.
it's a MUST SEE!!!!!
(walaupun ending dia agak pelik dan anda perlu banyak berfikir, but i think it's great!)

these films were released one by one, and till date, only 6 of 15 had been released.

i wish other films weren't as bad as potong saga or halal. both were FUNNY, but somehow i macam... err..... but hey, i have my own opinion, right?)

so come on Malaysian!

join 15Malaysia now!

26 August 2009

kalau terowong kat highway pergi Ipoh tu banjir, macam mana?

(ni nyte lamp aku. chumil kan? kan?)
korang tau tak?
aku rase macam nak muntah dengar perkataan EXAM.
baru je tgh hari tadi undi examiner. (exam kami LISAN)

dan ternyata aku malang lagi.

dapat examiner yang LASER tapi hensem macam orang Arab...

kne belajar banyak2 nih!
nanti dia p
erli aku lagi.
sumpah aku malu jadi rakyat Malaysia tapi tak pernah tahu macam mana kalau terowong kat highway pergi ipoh tu banjir!
korang tau tak sistem ape yg dicipta untuk mengatasi banjir kt terowong di highway ke Ipoh??
(aku dah tau dah sekarang... hihi.. sj nak test korg)

lecturer aku tu tau dan perli aku giler2 sebab tak tah
u. name terowong tu pon aku tatau.
lebih parah, aku tertanya2, terowong tu ade name ke?

tambah kene perli bile aku tak tahu jawab soalan dia mengenai katup jantung.
nak kate pengetahuan am kurang sebab belajar banyak, bile tanye teori tergagap2 jugak!
sangat shocking bile dengar dia pernah ckp 'kenapa bagi ubat ni pada MS? kan itu contraindication for MS?'
ok, i admit.

kami mmg 'bodoh'.
sebab kami student.
marah lah kitorg banyak2, please.
supaye nanti bila dpt patient kitorg tak buat salah.
please ajar kami bnyk2.

prof AA pon sangat terer pengetahuan awam.

p kali jumpa dia akan tanya macam2.
contohnye "apa middle name Obama?"
pernah tengok cerita cleopatra yg version 70's?
movie apa yg 4 jam? (bukan hindustan ye)
siapa actress dalam cerita 'when woman have tails?'
penelitian apa yang membuktikan ubat A lebih bagus dicombine dengan ubat B?
siapa isteri pelakon yang jadi hero dalam cerita .... (lupe cerita ape)


macam mane diaorang sangat terer theories tp sangat terer pengetahuan am jugak??????????????
desperately nak jadi macam diaorg.

mereka semua adalah makhluk pandai yang in
gat almost everything.
aku terkesima~

ok. sekarang waktu belajar...

tempat belajar ku ditemani makhluk2 lucu yang sentiase senyum dan CERIA! =)

ni lah almari buku aku yg dipenuhi dengan buku2 yang menjadikan aku tergolong dalam golongan nerdies kerana aku baca buku setebal lebih kurang 1000 pages. tapi entah bila aku akan khatam semua buku2 tuh.

esok nak melapor kat examiner. semoga aku lulus Kardiologi dengan result gempaq. doakan ye!

24 August 2009

janji trombus

adakah kau tahu?
janji2 mu itu ibarat trombus,
yang menyumbat arteri koronerku,
hingga dadaku terasa sakit,
perih sekali.

pasti kau tidak sedar,
saat udara menyusup di antara plica vocalismu,
hatiku juga bergetar,
menahan amarah,
dan BENCI.

kau sudah lama pergi,
tiada lagi namamu di hatiku,
tapi kau tidak pernah luput dari memoriku,
dan aku juga tidak mahu melupakanmu.

jangan salah sangka, ya.
aku sudah tidak mahu menari di atas awan cinta denganmu.
bukan itu mahuku.

Aku hanya mahu namamu terukir jantungku,
sebagai peringatan kepada diriku,
yang hatiku pernah hancur.
luluh seperti lilin di bakar.
perlahan tapi pasti.

Kau tahu tidak,
jantung kalau terluka...
tidak akan pernah sembuh!
biar kau beri cincin,
atau kau ubati dengan trombolitik,
semua sudah terlambat!

ya, aku tahu,
masa akan memulihkan luka itu.
tapi aku tidak mahu begitu,
Kerana jantung yang diperbaiki oleh tubuh tidak akan sempurna,
menjadi lebih parah!

jantung itu sangat rapuh,
itu pun kau tak tahu ke?

p.s. sekarang sudah bulan puasa. aku berharap supaya kau berhenti untuk menipu kaum Hawa.
kalau saat aku sudah kembali ke tanah air kau masih tidak berubah,
I'll see you in court, Mr. ConMan.

pic from here and here

23 August 2009

the patient in bed 6

Hey you!
I’ve got a confession to make.
“Actually, I am a princess”

Yeah. I’m sure that you’ll find it’s hard to believe.
Well, I AM lying. Ahaks!

But, I’m sure that you’ll agree with my next sentence.



Life ain’t a
fairytale… that’s for sure.
It isn’t a fairytale for Mr. S today, because he had just lost his wife.
It isn’t a fairytale for us, as the patient in bed 6 died.
And it’s absolutely ain’t a fairytale story with happily ever af
ter ending for Miss F, as her beloved mother had just leave this very world, FOREVER.
On this 1st of Ramadan, where all the Muslim celebrate the beginning of this holy month, an old woman died in front of my eyes.
As I wrote this, I can hear her family crying, some even shouting, making other patients in distress.
Imagine being sick, lying at the hospital bed, and the patient beside your bed died.
I’m sure you can’t think of nothing else other than “What if I die too?”

Earlier this morning, I think I can smell the delicious Rendang that grandma always cook during Hari Raya Aidil
fitri. Ehe~
And now, I can only think of this family.

This year, their Hari Raya will be very different without Mrs. M.

I can imagine the scenery.......
Innocent kids were fighting for duit raya and fancy looking kuih raya, while their elders tried hard not to cry, as one of their beloved had passed away.

This is not the first time I saw people died.
Yet I think this is the most heartbreaking of all.

“Dear Mrs. M, may Allah bless your soul.”



22nd of August 2009,
10.00 a.m.

Other story..

Again, in the same bed, two weeks ago….

A patient came with SVT (supraventricular tachycardia).
He was a big man, weight almost 80 kg, with tanned skin.
When he entered the hospital, he was unconscious.
His friends are the one who brought him to the pla
ce, as he was a Navy in training.
He is what we call a freshman, a new student who is still in Orientation.
His senior called his cousin, and the medical team tried hard to stabilize him, and succeeded.
Few hours then, he suddenly become apnea (breathless) and we began to ventilate him.
His parents weren’t around, as they live in different island, and the fastest time they could reach Makassar is 12 hours.
There was no one who cried for him.
It’s kinda awkward, as usually people here will call the whole village if somebody w
anna die.
And then his auntie came.
But that was when a male nurse was whispering “Laailahaillallah” at the patient’s ear.
The woman cried so loud! The family had even threatened to sue his college, and asked for explanation from the doctor in charge.
They want to know why the boy died. (I think I haven’t told you that he is only 18 years old. Yup, he’s very YOUNG!)

A member of his family asked us, “Can I know what exactly happened to L?”
We look at each other (me and the doctor in charge)

“You meant patient in bed 6, right? His name in the status is G, not L,” said the doctor.

The woman became conf
At first we thought that maybe the administration made a mistake.
So, we asked the guy who registered the patient at the Emergency Ward.
He said that they all know the guy as G, just as stated in the status. (The patient didn’t bring any identification. All we found with him is a plastic bag containing a toothbrush, and energy drinks).

Thus the family went back to the bed, and tried to look at the corpse closely. To their relief, it is NOT their family! Somebody made a mistake by calling the wrong family! (It is a coincidence, as L and G look almost similar that even his family didn’t realize it at the first time)
So the right family had been contacted.
But the patient had already died two hours ago.

No last words. No goodbyes. No last wish.

When they had arrived, all they saw is just a lifeless body who had once so vulgar and full of live, with heaps of medical bills awaiting to be cleared.

Life ain’t a fairytale, right?

Please don’t think that bed 6 is cursed. I think it is just a twist of fate.
But one thing for sure, both of them leave a very deep mark inside my heart.

Farewell wicked world! Let me rest peacefully, forever……….

20 August 2009

deja vu

have you ever heard about deja vu?
i think i had just experience it today.
but first, let me start my story from yesterday.....

yesterday was a hectic day. there were 40 patients at the cardiology polyclinic. everyone was busy doing their work when suddenly our beloved professor, Prof. P. burst into the clinic and scolded us.

"why did you read the ECG? you can't master ECG until you die!!!! go anamnesis the patients! LEARN FROM YOUR PATIENTS!!!"
ok, prof. is always like dat. but we still love him anyway. he's brilliant!
so i anamnesis a 21 years old skinny lady and showed her to Prof.
it was AMAZING.
why did i said amazing?
because she turns out to suffer Atrial Septal Defect (ASD), a congenital defect in the heart (in layman languange: jantung berlubang)

she had been told that she had some abnormalities in her heart Valve (to be more spesific: mitral regurgitation) but she never knew that she got ASD.
and her ASD is 3,69cm! (she also had MVP (mitral valve prolaps))
the patient is now pregnant (her first child, and only child, as patients like her CAN'T have kids more than one)

i can't stop thinking about her the whole day.

what if i was her??????
to be told that you can't have children more than one.
and you can't do too much activities.
what fun will be left for me????

to my 'horror', i DREAM of her last night. in my dream i was explaining to her about her heart.
and that was what i exactly do today!

i was shocked when she came again. she had just came from the OBGYN clinic. i borrowed her Echocardiogram and showed it to my friends.
i said "look, her defect is 3,69cm!"
then, i can hear her soft voice asked me from my back "what is the normal diameter?"
and then i remembered my dream.
so i sat beside her and tell her slowly.....
"Mrs M, normally, there is no hole between right and left heart"
I stopped a while, expecting her to be shocked, but her face was calm.
so i continued, telling her that her heart still pumps enough blood to her, but she can't exercise too much. i even draw the normal heart and showed her how her heart looks like. hihihi.
her next question struck me
"will my baby suffer the same condition?"
you know what i said?
"errr......i don't know."
well, it's the truth!
i seriously didn't know whether ASD is genetic or not. maybe i should check the internet later.
"When you are a student, it is NATURAL for you to be STUPID. It is NORMAL if you ask questions. It is OK if you are DUMB. But when you had become a doctor, people expect you to KNOW. Yeah, you can play2 now. But don't REGRET if you didn't learn enough in CLINICAL. Because once you had become a doctor, there is NO TURNING BACK" quoted from Dr. I.

Sounds scary, right?
Makes me feels like i wanna be a student FOREVER.

There are too much things to learn, yet too little time!

Can i ever get through this?

p.s. forgive me if i wrote any 'alien' words.
pssttt... i'm having trouble to determine what language i should use in this entry. but i chose English just to rub off my 'rusty' English. ehe~
p.s.s. pic from here and here
p.p.s. pengawas pusat sumber. haha.
PEACE (^.^)v

09 August 2009

i am soooooooo HOT!

sekarang pipi aku basah dengan air mata. bukan sebab tengah sedih. tengah gembira juga bukan. mata aku berair kerana terlalu lama menghadap komputer. dari tadi bloghopping je. aku pon lupe blog sape yang buat mate aku berair sebab susah gile nak bace tapi cerita dia besh tahap cipan. takpe. nanti aku dah ingat aku beritahu.
ok. sekarang berkait dengan tajuk. sejak dua tiga hari ni aku rase aku dah bertambah cantik dan HOT! wow! (mode perasan:ON)
ok ok. maaf ya terlalu berlebihan (orang indonesia cakap berlebihan tu LEBAY)

sebenarnye aku tengah HOT sebab Makassar terlalu panas. dah lama tak hujan!
oh aku sangat rindu bau bumi dibasahi hujan. sangat FRESH!
aku nak cari dukun panggil hujan (eh, bomoh.. bukan dukun). tapi aku tak kenal sorang pon bomoh kat sini. nanti la aku cari. asal jangan terjumpa Noordin M top sudahlah (dia terrorist disini. harini kecoh dia dah mati kene tembak.)
tapi kan.... siapalah sengal sangat nak cakap
"saya noordin. jangan bunuh saya!"
(ini berita HOT hari ini di TV dan radio)

budak kecik pon tahu diam bila polis tanya apa2 sebab takut kene tembak.
sama macam budak kecik takut nak cakap dengan dokter sebab takut disuntik.
ces! ibubapa sekarang sangat pandai mengajar anak. aku jugak yang susah bile budak2 menangis bila tengok aku pakai white coat.
'takkan dengan dokter yang cun dan super HOT macam aku pon nak nanes?? penat aku bagi senyuman manis macam gula.
(air mineral dalam bilik aku selalu dihurung semut sekarang. adakah semut sekarang tak suka gula dah? nanti aku nak try tauk gula dan air mineral. aku rase air mineral yang semut2 tu pilih. mungkin semut2 itu rasa HOT dan nak menyelam kejap dalam air)

aku tak tahulah kenapa sekarang aku asyik rasa HOT sangat. banyak dosa kot. ganti posa pon belum setel. (astaghfirullahalazim!! Ainul! da nak dekat bulan ramadhan ni! kenapa belum ganti2 lagi!)
ok. esok aku ganti. shadap, okay!
aku rasa aku mungkin ada Diabetes mellitus (kencing manis)
aku selalu haus, sering rasa lapar dan sering kencing. (ok, yang terakhir harus di'cencored')
teringat aku kat ujian Neurologi dua minggu lepas.
dalam anamnesis aku kene tulis 'pasien mengeluh sering haus, cepat merasa lapar dan sering kencing' instead of 'pasien ada riwayat kencing manis'

aku tulis anamnesis dekat separuh page kertas A4, tapi aku hanya dapat markah 79. lagi satu je nak dapat A! buat aku HOT je! frust sebab aku baca Tetanus dan Rabies tapi yang dia tanya 'berapa percent glukosa dalam cairan serebrospinalis
menurun pada pasien Meningitis TB'. aku cuma tahu glukosa menurun, tapi aku tak tahu berapa percent. ces! kecewa sungguh! (jawapannye 70%)
adakah soalan ini penting untuk aku jadi dokter umum?
jawapannye :tidak.

adakah aku boleh protes?
ko nak mampos lawan specialist!?!?!?!?!

nanti dia suruh aku ulang kat Neurologi pulak! haishs... bertambah satu lagi cerita HOT. "Seorang mahasiswa Malaysia disuruh mengulang gara2 melawan specialist".
:gosip sangat cepat beredar di hospital. cubalah buat hal. pasti anda akan berjaya menjadi terkenal hanya dalam satu hari: HOT tips nih! sila REDMARK kan kata2 ini ya.

minggu ni semua berbual mengenai 'naik tingkat'. aku baru kat tingkat satu. satu tahun naik tangga tertatih2 baru boleh sampai tingkat dua.

Pediatric 9 minggu

Jiwa 4 minggu

Internal medicine 11 minggu (aku ambil ni 16 minggu gara2 kene ulang)
Kulit 4 minggu
Neurologi 4 minggu

Kardiologi 4 minggu
Radiologi 3 minggu
oh aku sangat jeles! tapi takpe. slow and steady ye Ainul. yang penting STRESS METER masih menunjukkan indikator LOW.
kalau dah mendidih macam HOT boiling water boleh tambah terbakar aku. dahlah makassar memang HOT!

banyak sangat aku membebel sekarang.
aku patut berhenti sekarang.
nak pergi mandi.

(patutla ke'HOT'an. belum mandi rupenyer)


jam 2030

atas tilam yang bersepah dengan teddy bear kura2, dinosaur dan CJ7.

07 August 2009

teka ini bunyi ape

pukul enam petang.....
aku duduk di sofa empuk di CVCU sambil pura- pura membaca buku.
(pura2 je... takde mood nak belajar time tuh)

aku tengok nurse kat sebelah aku yang sedang hamil 8 bulan.
"mak ai, besarnye perut dia!" fikirku.
dia tengah khusyuk menonton TV
; cerita boys before flowers.
:oh, sangat banyak
lelaki hensem dalam cerita tuh!:
bunyi TV menghentam gegendang telingaku.
dan tiba2 aku rasa nak cuba 'describe' bunyi2 yang aku dengar di CVCU tuh.
agak2 boleh teka tak bunyi2 ini?

Tit tit tit...tit tit....tit tit tit...tit tit
ini bunyi monitor yang dipasang di dada pasien.

Kring- kring!!

ye, mestilah bunyi telefon, atau lebih dikenali sebagai i-phone. bukan i-pod ye. (i = internal)

Flip flop flip flop
seorang nurse lelaki yang berbadan besar tapi sangat pandai sedang berjalan dengan selipar jepunnya

uhuk uhuk uhuk uhuk

pesakit di katil 1 yang sedang batuk. takpe, ade ubat dia dah. kejap ladi dia minum baiklah.

Sssssssss... celepak celepuk.....sssssss
nurse berkulit putih dan berambut panjang yang sangat cantik tengah basuh tangan. oh, maaf ya.. dia sudah ada suami.

Krok krok

bunyi perut aku. Lapar. aneh ya bunyi perut aku?

kawan aku sedang berdengkur. huhu. woits, tido time keje!

Tii~ ni nit.....

bunyi handphone. Ade SMS dari pangeranku. weee-

ok. masa pergi makan dengan si pangeran. bubyeeeee!

jam 1815
7 Ogos 2009,

CVCU, Makassar.

p.s. photo taken from

05 August 2009


Aku baru minggu pert
ama di bahagian Kardiologi, tapi banyak benda 'aneh' yang berlaku.
Pertama, aku baca buku waktu di CVCU (Cardiolovascular Care Unit). Hal yang biasa pada orang lain tapi bagi aku, it's a Wow! Satu pembaharuan kerana aku memang selalu belajar last minit. Agak- agak, sampai bile aku rajin macam tu ye? Semoga semangat itu kekal sampai Minggu empat!
Kedua, Aku dah pandai baca ECG!!!!! Yeay!!! walaupun masih terkontang- kanting dan masih teragak- agak, tapi dah terer la dari sebelumnya! Lalala~ Dulu aku fikir, sampai bile2 aku akan pandang EKG macam garis2 halus yang pelik.

gambar ECG

Ketiga, shhh.... ni kene bisik jap.... aku tiap2 hari balik awal!!!!!!! ok, ini habit yang tidak perlu anda ikuti. tidak perlu juga anda kecoh2. Okay!!??!! (dengan muke garang macam Incredible Hulk)

Harini sebenarnye online sebab nak cari 'heart murmurs'. Pagi tadi Prof suruh kitorg dengar bising jantung sorang patient ni. Maka berpusu- pusulah para koass memakai stethoscope dan mendengar bunyi tersebut (kesian patient tu jadi bahan ujikaji). Kemudian Prof tanya, bunyi ape tu? Ade yang kata macam Ambulan "Tiiiit Tiiit'. Ada yang kata macam udara lalu botol cepat- cepat "whist whist". Dan ada yang kata macam bunyi burung banyak2 "Twiit twiit". Aku dengar macam bunyi wheezing "eeettt eeettt" (bilela pulak jantung ade mengi).
Jawapannya, 'seagull's sound". Pergi cari bunyi burung camar macam mana. Macam tulah bunyi jantung orang tu.
SUSAH ya nak kenal bunyi jantung yang patologis?
bunyi yang fisiologis tau la (bile bosan2 ambil stetoskop dan dengar bunyi jantung sendiri. bila dah dengar, aku berfikir "alhamdulillah, aku masih hidup. hahaha. Gila!)
Kardiologi agak rileks berbanding Neurologi. Tapi kene banyak inisiatif sendiri. Residen kat bahagian ni tak banyak macam kat bahagian lain. Tapi di bahagian ini kami banyak berinteraksi langsung dengan specialist (BEST!!!! Cuma mereka agak sibuk. *sigh)
Oh, cerita tadi belum selesai.
memang awalnya nak cari bunyi jantung. tapi entah kenapa tiba2 nak edit gambar. huhu... gambar di awal entry ini yang mula2 aku buat. biasa saja. aku memang takde bakat sangat. yelah, guna powerpoint je pon.
pastu datang idea gila aku setelah tengok gambar anatomi jantung.

A lovely innocent face is not the only thing you may see in the next picture


oklah. terlalu banyak waktu terbazir hari ini.
aku harus belajar sekarang.
Chaiyok chaiyok Ainul!!!!!

04 August 2009

the bloody chambers

i was lost in the thick walled chambers, suffocated by the nonexistence of air. i held my hands high, grasping for anything that my fingers can reach. but it is so slippery and everywhere all i can only see is BLOOD.
i can't breath.
i can't see.
i can't call anyone for help.
yet it is the only place that i feel safe.

yes, it is only in YOUR HEART that i feel so secured and loved.
you make me glow like a shining star.
you shine up my gloomy days.
and you bring out the laugh in me that i never knew ever exist in me.

i never know what will happen in the future. for i am not a sorcerer nor The Creator.
my heart have been hurt so many times that i refuse to love anyone so much anymore.
and i even feel reluctant to tell anyone how i like being by your side.
because i know, when everything is over,
people will laugh at me or said to me "i've told ya!"

you know, it hurts.

it hurts when u can't express your feelings.
it hurts so damn much!
but i think silence is GOLD.
for i don't wanna hurt anyone.
and i don't wanna make a fool of myself.
i don't know where the path will end.
but i know that now it is full of colorful flowers and it is so damn beautiful.........

let the PAST flew away and dissolves into the thin air..............
we are living in NOW.

(pic source from here and here)