29 December 2009

confessions of a clinical student





2009 is almost over...
people had begun listing their new year wishes.
i don't wanna write anything cliche here but i can't stop my fingers from  typing this stuff. the fact is, i can't stop thinking about how 2009 had change me, physically and emotionally.
actually, i have a confession to make. this year, i had changed a lot..... and only a single bit of them are positive.
i had become a soul-less human, my heart had blackened and my path dwindled. my life is not what i had pictured when i was an innocent ten years old girl.
funny that now i think my heart is made of stone. har har (cynical laugh)

this year i had met a guy that i thought i would marry. he had such a charisma that melt my heart. he made me believe i can do anything, even the most impossible thing on earth. he made me dance on the clouds of love, and i had never fallen in love that deep. but alas, he left me..... and i was so damn devastated that i never wanna love anyone anymore. i don't want to fall into that pit anymore. thus, i swing and flirt a lot, but i never wanted any commitment. but i got hurt, AGAIN. and I've learn another lesson. but as i always play with the fire, i can hardly taste a drop of happiness. serves me right... i should had just been a nice little girl than fooling around. then i focus my mind on my study, striving hard to forget the pain in my heart, trying to shed the tears on my cheek. luckily, this clinical year had been so interesting!!!! i had to admit that i've learn much much more than my theory years. and i truly agree with this statement my friend, izmizah, wrote on her Facebook status
to study phenomenon of disease without books is to sail an uncharted sea, while to study books without patients is not to go to sea at all -sir william osler- 
learning by watching is much more interesting, and it really works!i love medicine! lalala~



anyway, my birthday this year is kinda gloomy, despite the 'special' and its uniqueness than any of my other birthdays. this year, i've turned 22 on the 22nd of July, and my mum's age was 22 when she gave birth to me... 
wait a minute, my mum gave birth to me when she's 22? 
goshh. i'm 22 and i don't even have a boyfriend! damn!
ok, i got another confession to make. being single sucks. i hate it. there was a time when i chat with my friend about it and turns out that we share a similar dark secret. we are a tiny weeny afraid that we are not going to marry at all. haha... 
people said that if we want to marry, do it before housemanship or after housemanship. that means next year or in another three years. hmmm... i'm 22 now. and in three years i'll be 25.. let's just wish that i do find someone at that time, ok? 
(a note to an engineer who's working in Japan right now... i really hope you'll try harder. seriously. i do)

my friend, aki wrote this on her blog.... dunno where in the hell she found this but i like it!
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

hmmm.. to agree or not to agree? to believe or to deny? such a hard decision to make....
but i know that i'm not going to think about it seriously untill i graduate...

oh my... so many stupid confessions... so many words wasted in this entry..
maybe i should get back into my books (my exam case is "bunuh bayi" or literally translated "killing baby?".
hihi...

strive harder, ainul!

2 comments:

pakcik kordi said...

tkpe la beb....pkwe2 ni jgn pk sgt...tu pndapat pakcikordi la kn..adakah doc terlalu sepi tnpa pakwe?renung2 kn lah...tkde hal nye tkde pkwe....nt jumpa jugak..thun ni pkcik kordi doakn jumpa suami trus..amcam?nk ikut mama jugak eh kawen umo 22?hehehe...thun dpn doc 23 kn...lmbt setahun je tu,...=)

ainulrhy said...

pakcik, i x fikir sgt pon lah.... mama i kawen umo twenty kot, i think. mase 22 dia lahirkan i....
uiks trus dpt hubby thn ni? xmola... nk grad dulu lah pakcik.. hihi....

plus this is just a stupid confession.. xperlu difikirkan sgt.. but thank u for caring....