17 March 2012

i am not a vampire!!!!!!

i was pricking a boy when suddenly his dad barge in the treatment room.
his mom, who were in front of me since the very beginning of the episode, look at me skeptically...
it is not my habit to let parents in treatment room when i am doing a procedure.
it build a tension dat makes me nervous.

'what are you looking for?' his dad asked me
'why did you need more bloods?'
'why do you want to prick him again?'
'can't you use the blood that had been taken yesterday?'

similar questions of concern parents
i try talk nicely through my mask (I've been catching a bad URTI since last monday)
but sometimes, i am not sure i can handle the stress.
yeah, working in pediatric is stressful
never thought it would be dat stressful.
i even got a bad dream last night ...

funny how i once dream to be a pediatrician.
i even won an award of my research about the job back when i was in MRSM.

i admit sometimes it is fun to play with the kids.
but look how it pays me.
a bad flu and cough.
and now i even got diarrhea despite tremendous amount of hand antiseptic that i've used....
(i have never been so obsessed with antiseptic before this. now i won't even start my rounds without an antiseptic!)

sick people tend to be fussy, but sick children only knows how to cry.
poor kids.
i wish i can do something to make them feel better.
i wish i can hug all of them and make them feel safe.
'don't worry, baby. i am here to help you'

but they will never understand.
and it needs lots and lots of patience to work in this department.
to prick a baby, you had to work with your friends (to help hold the child)
working alone is not a good option.
but thankfully there are plenty of us.
there was once where 4 doctors 'surround' a child, trying to get an iv line.

in children, 'if u can't see the vein, don't prick'
sometimes all you need is luck.
i am not trying to say dat it is a gamble to us.

'we never want to hurt your child. but he really needs an iv line' i explain to one of a concerned father.

dear  parents, we doctors are trying to help your child.
sometimes, i feel that i'd rather poke myself than pricking such a small creature.

i am not a vampire.
i am a human being.
when someone said in the newspaper dat 'young doctors need a human touch', i began to wonder.
sometimes i didn't even treat myself as a human.
sometimes i don't even have time to eat.
sometimes i keep running here and there, forgetting to sit down and take a breath.

i love my job.
but sometimes i hope ALLAH grant me more patience.
sometimes i am frustrated that pricking a child vein took twice as much time as i need to prick an adult.
frustrated that i can't do my job faster...
and every detailed things need to be written and summarized.

oh how i wish i have six hands, and triple the energy to work!!!!

perhaps its the sickness that slowing me..

body please heal faster.
i need the strength to help others.


No comments: