10 March 2012

tiada lagi cinta untuk kamu

truthfully, i am happier without you.
now i learn how to love my own self.
i won't let myself to be hurt again..
especially by you.
you don't deserve me.
you don't deserve me at all.
there are many better guys than you.

i finally have the courage to delete you out of my life.
and i find myself more calm now.
i am grateful dat you are gone now..... for good

you might think that it is too early.
but you had left me for more than tenth time.
people also ignore my sadness because this is not the first time you 'hang' me like this.
this is not the first time, but i can assure you that this is the last time i ever let you rip my paper heart. ever!!!

it's been 7 days since i started posting in paediatrics.
i've seen many types of parents.
those who knows how to teach and take care of their child.
those who can't even calm their kids.
those who were fighting for the 'hak penjagaan'
those who were separated, and let their kids jump here and there.
i don't want to have a family like dat.
i don't want a broken family.
and judging from the broken and chipped relationship we have had since 4 years ago, i am not sure whether we can built a happy family.

i love to see how sometimes when a child got sick, the parents bond become tighter and their concern face makes me feels their love.
i am amazed to see a patient mother nurse her handicapped and bed bound child.
she knows that her adopted child will never able to walk.
will not be able to go to school like other child.
she knows that her son won't be able to even fed himself.
'selagi kudrat masih ada, mak cik akan jaga dia. makcik sayang dia sangat2' she told me.


there was one time where i almost cry when i tell a concerned father that his son has leukemia.
and after the real diagnosis came out, they seems devastated at first.
but then he said to his child, 'you must be strong. you must fight! if you doesn't fight, you'll die' 
it sounds harsh, but i know the father is crying in his heart.
i look at the hopeful parents.
i can see tears welling in the mother's eyes.
"thank you doctor" she said.
her son got sick, yet here she is, thanking me for telling her the bitter truth.
it is so powerful and so deep that i feel surge of a weird feeling tingling in my heart.
thank you ALLAH for showing me how much love still exist on this earth.
i am closing your book now, mr engineer.


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