30 November 2013

HANYA Doktor Wanita di WAD&BILIK BERSALIN? Mampukah kita?

Tadi saya membaca link ini https://www.facebook.com/laborroom sebab rasa ingin tahu yang meluap- luap setelah membaca komen kawan sekerja. Tapi malangnya, saya tidak mampu untuk membaca semua komen- komen di situ. Bagi saya, semua orang saling menghentam dan tidak berfikiran terbuka.

Marilah kita semua berbincang mengenai hal ini baik- baik. Duduk semeja, menghadap masing- masing dan tidak meninggikan suara. Boleh tak?

1. Pada pandangan saya, wanita- wanita yang memohon aurat dijaga di kamar bersalin itu adalah mustahil. Sebab wanita dengan wanita pun ada auratnya kan? Jadi kalau nak jaga aurat, boleh tak kami ajar suami puan- puan dan suruh dia yang lahirkan anak kalian?

2. Kenapa aurat di kamar pembedahan tidak dipertikaikan? Tapi kalau aurat di kamar bedah dipertikaikan, macam mana nak memastikan 'sterility' dan kebersihan?

3. Apalah agaknya nasib pakar O&G lelaki kalau anda hanya mahukan perempuan. Penat2 belajar jadi pakar, akhirnya di'reject' di negara yang katanyya kekurangan pakar. Haish. Kesian.

4. Saya bekerja di bahagian pembedahan dan pesakit saya banyak lelaki. Kadang- kadang, saya juga terpaksa memeriksa alat sulit lelaki. Adakah setelah ini saya akan di'ban' dari wad lelaki?

5. Saya pasti kebanyakan dokter adalah profesional. Kami tidak pernah berbincang mengenai aurat pesakit. Trust me, we are so busy with our work to gossip about your 'aurat'.

6. Kalau dokter lelaki tidak diberi peluang untuk belajar, macam mana kalau nanti di 'district' yang kadang- kadang hanya ada dokter lelaki sahaja? Padahal 'aim' kita adalah untuk mengurangkan 'maternal death?'. Kalau 'emergency' macam mana? Nak tunggu dokter perempuan datang baru nak bersalin?

7. Tolong jangan memaksa kami bekerja lebih dari dokter lelaki. Contohnya dalam senario di klinik payudara minggu lepas:

Suatu hari, hanya ada dua dokter wanita dan enam dokter lelaki. Ramai pesakit meminta dokter wanita untuk memeriksa mereka.
Apabila melihat kawan saya yang lelaki menyanyi sambil goyang kaki, saya jadi 'stress' sebab pesakit masih ada tetapi hanya mahukan dokter wanita sahaja.
Hal ini membuatkan sahabat saya yang perempuan yang 'postcall', tidak tidur dari semalam menjadi bertambah 'stress'.  "Kan boleh staff nurse perempuan 'chaperone!" ujarnya.
Akhirnya sahabat saya memberi cadangan agar dokter lelaki tersebut berjumpa pesakit tersebut tetapi dokter perempuan yang memeriksanya.
Bunyi macam mudah. Tetapi untuk memeriksa pesakit kami juga perlu mengetahui 'findings' dan pemeriksaan sebelumnya. Kerja dua kali ini membuat klinik berjalan agak lambat.
Jadi, tolong jangan bising kalau terpaksa menunggu lama di klinik kami, ya.

8. Ramai sahabat saya yang telah berumah tangga stress kerana kurang masa bersama keluarga. Menurut pandangan saya, permintaan anda hanya akan menambah beban kerja dokter wanita.

9. Saya bekerja di wad pembedahan wanita. Setiap kali memeriksa pesakit, kami akan menutup tirai dan menyuruh pelawat untuk keluar wad. Jadi, pelawat harus memahami dan menghormati waktu melawat. Tidakkah anda melihat kami berusaha untuk menjaga aurat pesakit?

Setiap orang ada pandangan berbeza. Tetapi anda harus faham kenapa banyak dokter tidak menyokong petition anda.Ramai juga dokter yang marah dan berkata "Kalau nak pilih, pergilah 'private hospital!".
Bukan apa, kebanyakan pesakit sibuk mengatakan tentang hak pengguna dan marah kerana terpaksa menunggu lama. Padahal kadang- kadang saya nak 'lunch' pun tak sempat. Breakfast pun memang dah selalu 'skip'. Nak pergi bilik air pun kena tahan sekejap sebab kesian pesakit menunggu lama.
Tapi pesakit marah- marah kami tanya bila giliran diperiksa.
Tolonglah. Bukannya saya buat kerja sambil lewa.

OK, mungkin hujah yang terakhir dah 'off topic', tapi rasa penat dengar orang asyik 'complaint' dan 'complaint' dan 'complaint'.
Can you put yourself in our shoes for one day? I bet you can't even stand for one hour.


22 October 2013

you are my drugs (ARHJ Part 69)

dear you,
do you remember,
that i always say that you are my piriton? 1
*seriously, i mean it*
it's amazing how your voice can easily lift up my weariness 
and makes me sleep like a baby.

and you know what?
you are my paracetamol too.2
it's the simplest and safest drug of all, 
yet effective to relieve my headache!
 
hmmm... can i say that you are my pethidine? 3
you make my pain go away with just a little bit injection of encouragement, 
and i adore you for that!

when my left chest hurts cuz i miss you so much, 
you take the pain away just like a sublingual GTN. 4

when stress makes the acid in my stomach increases,
you gives me lovely butterflies,5
just like how MMT syrup neutralize gastric juices.6
 
and, last but not least, you are my gengigel.
when life bits me so hard that it gives me an ulcer, 
you coat it with your warmth and love.

truthfully,
i don't think i need any drugs anymore *chuckles*

cuz i only want to prescribe you in my life...


the one and only ^^

footnotes:
1. piriton usually prescribes for flu or itchiness. but it can cause sleepiness.
2. well, who doesn't know paracetamol , right?
3. pethidine is an opioid, a very effective analgesic (pain killer). 
4. GTN = glyceryl trinitrate. the quick relieve of angina.
5. not sure whether this is a good effect or not. ehe~
6. MMT= Magnesium Tricilicate.

17 October 2013

sometimes all we can do is to remember (ARHJ Part 68)

i look at the mirror, debating with the person in front of me.
should i message you?
should i just keep quiet?
arghhhh this is so devastating!!!
few times I've dialed your number, but none was answered.
my heart hurt so bad that i wanna take it out from my ribcage and throw it out of my window.
i know there's something wrong. but i just couldn't figure it out.
why oh why????

*if only i know that your house was full of sadness when i blame you for neglecting me*

then the shocking truth was revealed.
oh my.
i had no idea that somebody close to you leaves you so abruptly like that.


when you are in a place where no one wants to be, 
when one of the main branch in your family tree is broken,
don't let your faith ripped out from your heart.

fantasy always feed us on tale of the immortal,
but sadly none of them are real.
but fear not my love, 
cuz love will never die
hopefully ALLAH gives you and your family strength.
AMIN.

Let us pray for arwah.
May ALLAH bless his soul.
Al Fatihah.

30 September 2013

14 September 2013

nasihat untuk medical student

"dokter, nanti saya nak jadi pakar sakit puan" ujar seorang pesakit berusia 15 tahun kepadaku.
puas aku menahan diri untuk memberi komen negatif.
"ok, kalau macam tu awak kene rajin, ok?" nasihatku.

kepada adik2 yang berminat untuk menjadi dokter, tolong (tolong sangat2) persiapkan mental dari awal.
jangan pernah memandang dokter adalah kerjaya yang glamour.
mungkin sering anda mendengar nasihat sedemikian.
sebab itu adalah hakikatnya.

kadang2 rasa kecewa melihat kawan2 dokter yang berhenti atau 'drifting' gara2 MLM (MultiLevel Marketing). 
sampai ada yang berkata kepadaku "tukang sapu sampah lagi hebat dari awak. gaji dia lagi banyak tau".
ok, bukan nak merendahkan taraf sesiapa. tapi penat aku belajar 5 tahun 6 bulan demi segulung ijazah!
dia pulak boleh suka2 nak label orang? huh!
kawan2, tolong lah betulkan niat --> "aku jadi dokter bukan untuk kaya!"

oh ya.
kalau jadi dokter sebab niat nak tolong orang.
tolong lah fikir balik.
kalau ada orang tua nak melintas, sesiapa pun boleh tolong, kan?
kalau ada orang mengandung berdiri dalam bas atau LRT, sesiapa pun boleh tolong, kan?

kalau jadi dokter, sampai ke tua pun harus dan wajib belajar.
segulung ijazah tidak menentukan apa2.
ibarat mendapat lesen kereta.
adakah itu menjamin anda tidak akan mendapat kemalangan?
sudah tentu tidak, bukan?

jadi, kenapa nak jadi dokter?

aku sedih melihat orang yang jadi dokter tapi ada ilmu ghaib (pandai menghilangkan diri).
untunglah bukan semua orang macam ni.
kalau tak haru biru hospital jadinya.

kepada medical students atau houseman (cewah, macam la aku ni dah senior sangat), contohilah pakar2 yang rajin, attitude bagus (contohnya saling menghormati) dan pandai. 
pengalaman mereka banyak. kadang2 nak sedut dan cerna ilmu mereka agak susah (sebab aku rasa banyak sangat yang tak tahu).

bila dah jadi MO, rasa malas nak belajar tu sangatlah besar.
sekarang tengah sibuk memaksa diri untuk kembali menelaah.
suatu hari, ada seorang pakar berkata kepadaku yang dia sudah putus asa untuk mengajar kami.
katanya sebab kalau masuk telinga kanan, keluar telinga kiri tidak mengapa. ada jugak lekat di kepala walaupun sekejap. ini masuk telinga kanan pun tidak!
(lepas tu boleh pulak ada seorang houseman menyampuk, "eh, masuk je")
ades....

jadi, jom kita buka buku sekarang! ^^

Kau ada aku & aku punya kamu (ARHJ 65)



AR : 
Aku sadar bukan mudah 
Untuk mengejar mimpi indah 
Pernah suatu ketika dulu 
Ku punya harapan besar 
Kini aku tak pasti 
Dapatkah ku miliki 

HJ :
Sudah jauh kita tempuh 
Kekalkanlah impian lalu 

AR :
Mungkin ada hikmah 
Yang akan menunggu 
Di penghujung jalan
Biar nanti kecewa 
Setidak-tidaknya coba 

HJ :
Jika halangan menduga perjalanan kita 
Janganlah kau putus asa 
Karena ku ada di sisi setia menemani 
Andai semangatmu gugur 
Genggamlah tanganku 
Kita hampir ke situ 


AR : 
Adakala ku terasa 
Ketabahan tak setegar 
Tetapi apakan daya 
Berhenti separuh jalan 
Percayalah padaku 
Aku yakin kita mampu 


AR & HJ : 
Biar orang katakan 
Rapuhnya harapan 
Bukan mereka tentukan lagi 
Kau ada aku dan aku punya kamu 

Amanlah akhirnya tetap bersama 






" Ya Allah..
peliharalah ukhuwah ini..
Moga tiada hasad yang menyelirat jauh di hati yang tersirat..Di jalan Allah.. 
Perhubungan ini adalah perancangan daripadaMu yang mengetahui segala rahsia..
kerana MU lah aku mengenali dia dan kerana Mu jua telah menetapkan ukhuwah itu..
pasti terukir 1001 kenangan dan kasih sayang..walau ada yang membenci..tidak mengapa..kuatkan ukhuwah ini ya rabb..jika dia untukku..dekatkan hati kami..jika disebaliknya..redha kan hati kami dan berikan kebahagiaan kepadanya..jaga dia ya rabb..plzzz... :')
Semuanya kerana Allah..
Sungguh...Bukan kerana selain daripada-Nya..
amiin ya rabb.."

written by HJ..
a little note from AR;
oh ye. real song is actually titled "Hampir ke situ" by mendua

08 September 2013

HuSnUzoN (ARHJ Part 64)

berminggu2 aku mengalami 'writer's block'.
berkajang2 nak tulis, tapi satu 'draft' pun tak siap.
akhirnya semua jadi terbengkalai.
haish.

lagipun, sekarang tengah marathon buku Hlovate!
Alhamdulillah, akhirnya HJ bagi jugak novel "Lima tahun lima bulan".
walaupun bukan si empunya diri yang bagi 'by hand' (ye, memang kami belum berjumpa. jangan tanya kenapa. nanti aku nangis. ok).
untung ada adik HJ yang comel jadi 'messenger'.
kalau tak, sampai bila pun tak dapat.
huhu..
oh ya..
yes, finally i have met his sister.
eh, adik dia pulak yang datang jumpe aku dulu. elok sangat la tu.1
nak tahu tak? banyak sangat yang kami bicarakan haritu.
N: macam mana boleh bersabar tunggu abg HJ?
aku: entahla. mungkin sebab dah terbiasa ada dia. 
N: so sweet ^^
tapi rasa lega sikit lepas dah berjumpa dengan adik dia.
setidaknya tau la jugak yang sebenarnye si HJ ni memang wujud dan banyak konflik hidup dia memang betul.
bukannya selama ni aku menganggap dia menipu.
cuma bila belum nampak dia depan mata, macam2 boleh terfikir.
sampaikan pernah suatu hari, HJ memesan aku supaya HUSNUZON (bersangka baik).2

anyway, untuk bersangka baik memang memerlukan kesabaran dan kejernihan hati.
kalau hati keruh sangat, tak reti nak maafkan orang lain, buat kerja tergopoh gapah, cakap tak fikir, memang susah (i was referring to myself).

untung 2 minggu lepas ada pergi Konvensyen Biadadari.
Alhamdulillah, insaf sikit masa pergi ke konvensyen tu.
kawan aku tanya "Kenapa pergi Putrajaya sorang2 semata2 konvensyen tu?"
lalu aku dengan selamba menjawab "kadang2 rohani pun kita kena bagi makan jugak"
HJ gelak gila2 bila aku cerita kat dia pasal perbualan aku dengan kawan aku ni.
ok. i admit that the line is a bit cheesy, but that's the first thing that came out from my mouth. janganla gelak!

ada orang cakap HJ asyik berdalih. dan suruh aku cari orang lain.
menangis HJ bila dengar. tapi nak buat macam mana. nak dekat setahun dah kot? memang padan muke la kan?3  

Prof Muhaya cakap orang pentingkan diri lambat dapat jodoh.
mungkin aku pentingkan diri.
mungkin dia tak datang sebab ada yang kurang pada diri aku ni.4


takpelah ye.
jom introspeksi diri, bedah segala kelemahan diri, dan bersangka baiklah pada si HJ yang entah kenapa tak datang2 lagi jumpa aku.
Boleh tak? ^.^


footnote:
1. ini adalah ayat perlian. sekian, terima kasih.
2. perempuan memang suka fikir bukan2. maaf ye =/
3. awak, jangan marah! nanti cepat tua. ehe~
3. tapi mana ada orang yang perfect! 

20 August 2013

my punching bag (ARHJ Part 63)

semalam birthday dia.
bulan lepas, dia kata nak bawak aku jalan2 masa birthday dia.
aku jadi excited sgt sbb 1st time nak jumpa dan dating!
tapi selepas beberapa hari, aku jadi ragu2. 
betul ke dia nak jumpe aku ni? macam tak percaya je.
ternyata firasatku betul.
so the plan was cancelled.
AGAIN!

i was so damn furious.
marah dan sangat2 sedih.
aku dah minta cuti dua hari semata2 tujuan itu.
sedih sangat bila dapat tahu semua hanya janji palsu.

mula2 hati memberontak.
nak lari dari Malaysia, tp dua hari tak cukup.
nak pergi Cameron atau Bukit Tinggi, tapi takut nak drive bersendirian ke sana.
akhirnya aku pergi tempat paling sibuk kat semenanjung, iaitu Kuala Lumpur.

semalam, setelah melewati tol Pedas Linggi, aku telefon dia.
marah2.
membentak.
mengamuk.
menjerit macam orang gila.
menangis teresak2.
tapi sekalipun dia tak tinggikan suara.
perbualan terputus dek kerana hujan lebat sampai hanya boleh bawak kereta 60km/jam dan terpaksa pasang lampu emergency yang berkelip2.

"AWAK TU YANG TAK MAHU JUMPA SAYA!!" jeritku.
"bukannye tak mahu jumpa selamanya," jawabnya lembut.
 ARGHHH!!!

on the way to KL, aku singgah ke hospital tempat dia bekerja.
niat nak jumpa dia sekejap.
tapi dia tak mahu.
dia hanya membiarkan aku menangis lagi dalam kereta.
menangis dan menangis lagi.
akhirnya aku pergi membawa diri.

masa tu, kepala pening tak tahu nak ke mana.
baru kutahu, memandu sambil air mata bergenang memang susah!!

lalu aku pergi menikmati lunch di Tony Roma. 
two fillet medallion medium cooked with bbq sauce, grilled shrimp, broccoli and mashed potatoes. drink: mint fruit dream. taste: amazingly delicious!
pergi shopping.
pergi tengok wayang.
pergi minum Starbucks.
hot cappucino with low fat milk plus free doughnut with caramel glaze. my new obsession (gambar hiasan)

i did everything that i had planned to do with him, even though he was not with me.
mujur ada teman baikku yang menemaniku.

"awak nak tinggalkan kite ke?"soal dia.
"YE!"

memang tak best marah2 orang.
apa lagi pada hari lahir dia.
rasa serba salah sangat.
tapi aku sudah tidak mampu menanti kehadiran dia. 

aku: awak pergilah cari orang lain yang  sanggup tunggu awak. kite tak layak untuk awak.
dia: tak nak.
aku: tak payah cari kite lagi.
dia: nak cari jugak.
aku: (eeeee.... degilnya dia!)

*waiting* (gambar hiasan)

aku: oklah. tak jadi nak  tinggalkan awak hari ni. nanti setiap birthday awak, awak akan sedih.
dia: habis tu...
aku: kita tinggalkan awak 25/8/13 la. 
dia: awak ingat kite ni barang ke?
aku: kenapa?
dia: ada tarikh luput macam tu.
aku: errr......
 
malam tadi, dia mesej aku.
katanya dia masih sayangkan aku.
(walaupun aku berkasar dengan dia pada hari jadi dia? hmmmm...)
katanya dapat berbual dengan aku dari pedas linggi ke midvalley adalah hadiah paling bermakna untuk dia (perli aku lah tu).



rasanya kalau orang lain kena tengking macam semalam, dah lame dia lari lintang pukang.
tapi dia tetap kuat macam 'punching bag'. 
ditumbuk sekuat mana pun masih tegar.
tapi hati aku dah terhiris dan terguris dalam.
dah penat berharap.

aku: ARHJ dah habis!
dia: belum. nanti kite akan sambungkan.
aku: awak sambungla sorang2!

awak, maaf ye.
kite nak bagi adik kite hadiah awak tu,
dan nak buat permohonan pindah ke Sarawak.
ini keputusan muktamad.
ok.
sekian, terima kasih. 

13 August 2013

shades of grey (raya edition)

hye.
rasanya masih belum terlambat nak ucap Selamat Hari Raya, kan ^^
lama dah tak 'mecapub' (mencari publisiti) kat blog sendiri.
setelah 7 kali failed attempt untuk mendownload gambar raya di facebook, akhirnya pergi update blog.
huhu...
maaf ye kalau ade salah silap selama berblog ni.
mungkin ada terkasar bahasa atau menyinggung sesiapa.
 sorry (",)

btw, tahun ni adik saya dah balik!
setelah bertahun belajar di Ohio, akhirnya selesai juga. dah nak sambung master dah bulan depan.
tahniah arieff!!
p.s. sila abaikan si kecik yang suka interframe itu
tengok tu. semua gambar dia nak interframe. huhu.


Alhamdulillah. tahun ini kami semua dapat berkumpul.
lengkap satu family ^^

hopefully tahun2 akan datang pun dapat kumpul semua orang macam ni..
amin..


04 August 2013

wanna be a doctor? think carefully!

the most common thing that happen when you are working in a hospital is that people will start fighting to take leave.
as usual, being single and living with parents gave me no reason to take extra holidays. 
plus, i don't have any grandparents anymore. sigh~

i met my friend yesterday and she asked me whether i feel regret being a doctor.
truthfully, no matter how busy i am, no matter how bad i was scolded by my boss, no matter how bad my patients treated me, no matter how disrespectful some nurses can be and no matter if i had to work on festive days, I DID NOT REGRET of my choice to be a doctor. 

you know what? my CGPA in Matriculation did not exceed 3.6, and i remember the doctor who did my medical checkup few years ago was not satisfied that her niece with much better grade than me did not have the chance to be a doctor.
i had fight on my way to get here, and i am not giving up now!
few years ago, after realizing that i have no chance to study medicine in Malaysia, i seek opportunities elsewhere.
never mind if i had to study in Indonesia.
never mind if i can only get JPA's loan (which end up making me stuck in government hospital for 10 years. not that i wanna go to private. i don't really mind about it, actually. ehe~)

so here i am. 
i had to admit that my journey wasn't a smooth one.
with nerve wrecking and heart breaking relationships, and sometimes financial difficulties, i manage to survive.

when i do locum, people tend to say, "wow doctor. u are so young!"
ok, i am not that young. i'm 26 already. 
but i admit that i am still young in a medical world. I still have much much more to learn. 
and when i sign up for medicine course, it means that i am signing up for a life long learning.

so to those who are still undecided for their future, think before you choose this career.
if you want to be rich, be a businessman. I've met some doctors who had resign for some MLM (Multi Level Marketing) business.

 it is so damn useless to be a doctor without a passion.
because instead of treating people, you might end up being a killer.
now that i've become a Medical Officer, i had to be responsible in every action and order that i make. 
when i am not sure, it is not wise to just guess. 
when someone condition deteriorates, instead of following orders (that's what most of house officer do), i found myself thinking hard of what i should do or should have done to help that person. 
when i had to break a bad news to my patient, for example informing them that they have a cancer, and what are the possible options available, i fight so hard not to cry. (i did cry once, in front of a 30 years old single mother with a breast cancer who refuse operation, and almost cried when a tough looking 18 year old boy cried in front of me after i told him politely that he have a testicular cancer that have metastases to lymph nodes and his lungs)

seriously, this job is tough and need a lot of social skills, right?
 

03 August 2013

#ARHJ #Instagram (ARHJ Part 62)

hey there.
guess what?
I've picked some lines from ARHJ series and posted in Instagram!
yeay  \(^.^)/
anyway, more post coming up.
enjoy~

25 July 2013

do u still remember? (ARHJ Part 61)

do u still remember the time when u were so excited to tell me this novel's ending?
ok memang agak pelik lelaki baca novel. tapi bila tengok adik lelaki aku pun baca novel dah hilang dah rasa pelik. ehe~

do you still remember the time when u always ask me about medicine?
truthfully sometimes i had to Google it cuz i never heard of that medicine! (kantoi)

 do you still remember the time when all of ur questions were answered with one short sentence.
example:-
Q: dah makan? 
A: dah
Q: pakai baju ape pergi kerja hari ni? 
A: baju
Q: makan ape tadi? 
A: nasi
Q: best tak benda tu? 
A: entah
Q: dah solat dah?
A: dah
now i get so excited that one short question was answered with long elaborated answer
Q: sedap x?
A: x sedapla. tomyam ikan yg mama kita masak lagi sedap! 

do u still remember our fights?
we cry, we fight, we quarrel. but in the end, we vowed not to leave each other.
him: awak nak tinggalkan kita ke?
me: tak nak
him: kite pun xnak awak pergi mana2, ok?


do u still remember when u promise to write something for ARHJ?
berbulan tunggu, sampai dah give up nak berharap.
lepas tu tiba2 ada entry yg awak tulis!
terkejut gila masa tu...
suke sangat!!!

do u still remember when i use to sing Barney's song "I love u?" 
tot i sounds cute enough but awak lg cute mase awak nyanyi lagu banana potatoooooo.
serius!


those small details in our life maybe insignificant to others.
but i refuse to let it pass by unnoticed.
truthfully, dat is why ARHJ exist in the 1st place.
so that one day, we can sit down and read it from skin to skin and walk down the memory lane.
*perbualan sengal hari ini*
HJ: awak! jentik sampai bibir awak berdarah2 karang.
AR: xpe. kita da beli aloe lip care kat bodyshop. gerenti x berdarah.
HJ: are u sure?
huhu~

awak. 
happy 10 months annivesary!
i love u infinity and beyond!!! (sambil angkat tangan macam Buzz Lightyear) Y^.^

in years come, we'll reminiscence on how u were made to complete my duet.




22 July 2013

Age hasn’t spoiled you (ARHJ part 60)


+ For your birthday, I just want to say I hope you can see

 how special you are to me..

+ I hope that today is the beginning of a great year for you..

+ Age is a number, but life is your calculator..

+ Let this day be full of all the colors of the rainbow..




happy birthday dr AR...


  

p/s i : hope you love it..(sorwy sebab simple sgt..) 
p/s ii : ikhlas dari HEARTY ke HEARTY 
p/s iii :  :') 

writen by : dr j...^-^

20 July 2013

despicable ME (ARHJ part 59)


hai...tak tau nak start dari mana..tapi sebab kene jugak wat entry nie so aku pown tulis jer ape yang ada kat kepala nie..

first of all..assalamualaikum and greetings to all...alhamdulillah sekarang nie kita dah nak masuk 10 ramadhan..rasa cepat jer kan..ok..straight to the titik :
i.thank.you.for.everything..
kalau nak ikutkan bila looking back..memang macam funny la kot..
so much dah jadi..moulding me yet again into another somebody
yg belajar dan membesar dgn mengenali seseorang yang aku belum pernah jumpa tapi hidup...ye..hidup dalam hati aku..aku akan terus dan terus hidup kan rasa tu..dan..aku berdoa supaya si dia akan kuat n kuat n kuat n kuat..amin ya rabb..

+dear...sikit jer lagiii....sabar ye... :')
+thankz sebab kenal kan aku dgn cerita despicable me..(hahaha dulu tak pandai sebut...tapi sekarang laju jer tau nak sebut despicable tu..hahaha)

perangai kite mmg giler2...bile call jer..gelak macam tgk running man...seyes....aku suka...hehe tapi sometimes...kalau kite gaduh...mesti kamu menangis macam tgk cite hindustan...(walau tgk dah bnyk kali)
tak sanggup nyer dgr kamu nanges...huuu...

last but not  least "kot"
i love you baby..hehehe tak pe ke ckp dekat public mcm nie?? hahahaha sorwy bby...

writen by : dr j... ^-^

p/s i : aku means HJ ke???
p/s ii : awak means AR ke??
p/s iii : kamu+aku = ARHJ 



08 July 2013

i'll kill him! (ARHJ Part 58)

"dah jumpe ke belum?" soal teman baikku saat aku bercerita mengenai HLovate yang merupakan penulis favorite HJ.

"belum" jawabku perlahan. sedih mengenangkan sudah 8 bulan bercinta tapi masih belum bertentang mata. sampai ramai menganggap aku berstatus 'single'.

"argghhh i'll kill him!!!" kata temanku.

tiba- tiba telefonku menyanyikan lagu "mirrors". eh, panjang umur si HJ ni. baru je sebut pasal dia.

"Hye awak! iza baru cakap nak kill u" bicaraku.

"errrr.. kenapa?" soal HJ

"sebab x dtg jumpe kite" jawabku ringkas.

"nanti bila kita xde siapa nak dengar awak mengomel pasal kerja? siapa nak dengar awak menangis? siapa nak teman awak bila awak sedih?" panjang lebar dia bertanya.

ok. he got a point. tapi dengan selamba aku menjawab "xpe. i'll go back to my blog."

"xnak kawan awak!" jawab HJ.

"ok. babai awak *giggling silently*"

ok. diam dalam blog tak bermakna kami dah berpisah. atau tiada cerita menarik. atau cinta kami sudah kurang gula. tolong jangan salah faham ye.

tapi nampaknya tahun ini saya masih terpaksa menghadapi sekali lagi hari raya dengan soalan berikut:-
bila nak kahwin? 
dah ada calon ke belum? kalau xde calon meh nak kenalkan..

atau yang sewaktu dengannya. 
haishs *mengeluh panjang*

"awak, kita nak nangis bila orang tanya soalan macam tu. orang lain dah beranak pinak. hiks" ujarku kepada HJ.
"sabarlah" jaawabnya ringkas.

arghhhh..... kadang2 rasa macam nak geget HJ kuat2. orang tengah perli awak lah! 

ok. cool down. take a deep breath. cool down...
fuhhh *inhale and exhale deeply*

Ya ALLAH. aku redha dengan apa jua ketentuanMu. Mudah- mudahan semua ini berakhir dengan bahagia.AMIN.


28 May 2013

bubly bablings

being a medical officer is not easy.
as a houseman you can always 'hide' behind your MOs.
anything you are not sure you can just inform MO and write "Dr. X noted" just to save your ass in case something bad happens.
but now, being the one who receive the call and the one who had to decide, my life is not getting easier at all!

my boss said to me "Ainul, it's not about seniority. never mind whether you have been MO for a year, or 5 years or more. it is all about competency."
but actually, i still think that experience still plays important part in medical field. 
my seniors helps a lot, even senior nurses plays important role.
because when i graduate, doesn't mean that i know everything that it takes to be a doctor.
in fact, sometimes i feel so stupid.
even as a medical officer i am still learning.

sometimes, i was scolded when i refer case to my colleagues. there was even a time when i refuse to refer because i am so afraid of being scolded. but one specialist said to me "just refer even if they scold you. at least you have done your job." so if they become mad at me and refuse to come and see patient, what the heck. i can fire back by saying "oh, ok. then i'll just write in the case sheet that you cannot see this patient, ok?" (don't worry, they will nag and scream but they still had to see the patient and that is the most important part. ehe~)

dealing with colleagues may be hard but dealing with patient can also drain my energy.
"how come i got cancer? i got no pain. i am perfectly healthy. how can you say that i got cancer?" said a man to me. trust me, a patient in denial phase is not easy to deal with. this is why soft skill is so damn important! 
there was once where i cry in a clinic in front of a 30 years old woman, who was divorced and currently living with her mother and her child.  she was diagnosed with breast cancer, but refused for operation and chemotherapy. oh my. how does she expect to live with her cancer without treatment? 
i always said to breast cancer survivors " wow, looking at you, no one can ever guess that you are a cancer survivor". i am not lying. many women had survived mastectomy and chemo, and radiotherapy. i've seen them walking proudly. that is why there is nothing that upset me more than patients who went to look for some traditional medication till the cancer spreads and there is nothing can be done anymore. hiks. 

phew. when it comes to doing what's right for the patient, even a simple decision plays a major part. one single mistake can jeopardize not only a single human's life, because when someone died, they may left their spouse and kids behind. when a patient die, we had to deal with the living ones that have lost their loved ones. and let me tell you, breaking the bad news, whether telling someone that they had just been diagnosed with cancer, or their family had passed away, never gets easier even with experience.

there is not a single day that went by without me wishing to be a better doctor. but now i think i need a good night sleep.
*yawning*
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

08 May 2013

one fine day (ARHJ Part 57)

"please don't leave me," he beg.
i know i don't have the strength to cry anymore.
i know i am not strong enough to survive another heartbreak.
and i know i will suffer if i didn't speed dial the J button or hear the Adira's song titled "Ku ada kamu" ringing on my blackberry at least once a day.
i know i am pathetic.
but not to give him another chance would be cruel.
because i know he is not the only one suffering if i end up our story just like this. 
anyway, here's a poem, specially dedicated for u, HJ
 
there was a time,
where i feel 
d r a i n e d,
and i grow tired of 
f i g h t i n g.
so exhausted 
that I've finally said goodbye to him
but he beg me not to.

yes, i am blind.
i can't see a lie.
but tell me,
how on earth can i spot a lie,
when love balloons filled my heart?

pain....so much pain that it makes me breathless,
tears....so much tears that it left me gasping for love,
but the cut deepen as i accuse him for not doing anything to mend it

but one day,
as he recite a 'doa',
my heart melted.
then he reminds me to pray,
and i forgot my sorrows and my insecurity.
when he pray for us,
the blood in my veins stirred,
boiling over the limit.

bear in your mind,
that losing this game 
is not my intention!

on one fine day,
INSYAALLAH, 
we 
will 
be 
united.
AMIN.