[ARY's AryTeNoiD]

tak mahu belajar hidup tanpa dirimu, tanpa berhenti cintakan kamu

2012-01-23T18:07:00.000+08:00

beribu sesalanku

2012-01-15T10:16:00.000+08:00

Ku susuri malam ini
Yang tidak berbintang sunyi sepi
Juga rembulan dah menghilang
Dalam kelam ku sendiri

Ku mencari hembus bayu
Yang selalu berbisik madah rindu
Kini membisu dalam sayu
Tidak ku temu suaramu

Kekasihku di jalanan yang berliku
Di saat ku perlukanmu
Tertutup jua segalanya terhadapmu
Di sini ku tersedu-sedu

Setelah cinta pergi
Ku mengusung duka ini diiringi
Kisah janji dimungkiri lagi

Kekasihku di jalanan yang berliku
Di saat ku perlukanmu
Tertutup jua segalanya terhadapmu
Di sini ku tersedu-sedu

Setelah cinta pergi
Ku mengusung duka ini
Diiringi

Kisah janji
Dimungkiri
Dimungkiri

Sia-sia ku
Mencintaimu
Setia padamu
Percayakanmu

Sebak dadaku
Retak hatiku
Luka jiwaku
Dihiris pilu

Sia-siaku
Mencintaimu
Setia padamu
Percayakanmu

Sebak dadaku
Retak hatiku
Luka jiwaku
Dihiris pilu

Beribu sesalanku

nothing describe my feelings better than this song. aku jatuh cinta dan putus cinta dengan orang yang sama (yes, the same guy) over and over again for this past 3 years. i hope now he's gone for good. cuz i can't afford another break up with him.

nasib baik ade Yad teman aku menjerit sambil menangis nyanyi lagu ni kat Karaoke Jetty Melaka... huhu

p.s. lagu putus cinta kali entah ke berapa dengan dia sebelum ni ialah lagu "Sedetik Lebih" anuar zain.

not just another wedding

2012-01-12T18:54:00.001+08:00

last week i went to my UNHAS mate's wedding, Faezah.

the wedding was so beautiful, just as beautiful as the bride!!!

but what's most important, it brought us together.

after 1 year graduate, we can finally meet and catch up!

(p.s. ni semua dokter taw) ehe~

i think the last time i met my friends was during iman and ilman's wedding (the couple sitting on chair), and she's 6 months pregnant now!

wow, that means the last time we met was more than 6months ago...

oh did i mention dat i get the chance to drive Babal's Mercedes named Noni???

this Merc is so smooth dat i just love driving it!!

ooppsss harap2 vitara chomel sy tak merajuk sbb saya puji Noni...

okay okay Evy,mummy sayang kamu =)

oklah, how about i just let pictures speak for themselves?

me and Balqis =)


camwhoring* hihi

Me and Faezah.. she looks so beautiful!!

hot doctors ^^

intan yg dah slim!, fazana, balqis and me!

nunu, wawa, me, dydee, shahnaz n balqis


syira, me, babal n iman. baju syira n babal nak dekat same kan? cutela renda pink dgn background biru... hehe

luv u gals sho much!! mmuah..

p.s. lookin forward for the next wedding on April! lalala~

ambulan

2012-01-05T03:37:00.000+08:00

hye korang..
Penah tak naik ambulan?
Saye dah naik TUJUH kali!!
Huuu..
Sampai uncle driver pun dah kenal saye..
Org kate naik ambulan best boleh jalan2 pergi KL. tp korang tak tahu perasaan bile naik ambulan dengan pesakit yg tengah nazak.
Mcm2 perasaan bila naik dlm ambulan.
Dengan kelajuan maksimum dan seat yg memang tak selesa langsung mmg kerja 'accompany' pt bukanlah sesuatu yang macam 'makan angin..
Dan saya baru tau ambulan tak payah bayar tol...
Huhu..
Bile ambulan bawak laju2 dan siren berbunyi2, berdebar gila dengar bunyi membingitkan tu.. Sbb it reminds me how sick my pt is...
Jd kalau nmpk ambulan jgn lupe make way.. Cuz I might be inside dat with a 'death in line' pt who need specialized care..
P.s. otw back selalu singgah rnr nilai kejap makan nasi lemak sedap!!

one less egg to fry

2011-11-30T05:32:00.001+08:00

it's 2 am in the morning and a staff nurse curiously look at my face and asked

"doctor, have you married?"

"Not yet, lah" i answered with a smile.

"oh really?" she answered, puzzled with my answers.

"did you have any boyfriend?"
"none who's willing to meet my parents yet and marry me, dats for sure"

she pat her oversized tummy , perhaps her baby moved,

or maybe she wants to show me that she's pregnant.

i continue my work...

but she kept 'harrasing me'.

"what's your age then?"

"24" i answered breifly

"oh my. we have the same age!" she exclaimed loudly.

i started to get a little bit irritated.

ok, i know u are also 24 and u already have a husband and you are going to have a baby soon, but there's no need to tell the world about it..

i admit i am sensitive.

but this is not the first time i have been asked of the jackpot question!

and can you imagine, at 4 am, she said again

"doctor, i can't believe that you are still not married yet"

oh my gawd!

can't she stop thinking about it?!

then if you reallly can't believe it why don't you find some guy and try to matchmake us?

urgh.

i felt like crying.

she makes me remember someone who had promised to marry me.

but he seems too busy with his work that he even forgot our date.

love is a complicated thing.

and marriage needs such a chemistry to work.

so please give me more time to enjoy my single, unattached and free life.

at least i can go back home, playing games and not think of any other tummy to feed.

just like one song i heard in one episode of Glee series

one less bell to answer.

one less egg to fry.

i should be happy, right?

untitled

2011-11-22T02:01:00.001+08:00

december is peeking through a sheer curtain.

the smell of new year had already filled my nostrils.

owh my.

didn't realize that i had been working for almost a year.

wow.

bestnye.

me n my lil bro, Alip Golip

p.s. mane shift allowance nih? x masuk2 pon =(

this is why you must drive safely

2011-11-21T00:33:00.001+08:00

Hye..
today i would like to tell a story of a guy called Mr. N.
Mr. N. is a 28 years old, a happily married man and a proud father of his 6 months old baby.
but i don't think he can see his kid walk.
i'm not even sure he can hear her call him daddy.
today his mother asked me his progress.
i had explained to her, the prognosis is very poor.
but i am not The Almighty, for He is the one who gave life, and He can take it back whenever He wants.
tears welling in her eyes...........
i am sure that it is very hard to accept the truth, that sometimes they seems to forgot what i had told them and i had to repeat the same thing all over again.
"i am so sorry, auntie. he might get better. but he might be like this till the end of his life."
that may sound harsh. but i believe that getting prepared for the worst help family to accept the bitter truth.
his wife, though i know that it might be hard for her, always smile to us.
"she is such a strong person" i said to myself.

i look at Mr N, who is still alive yet not speaking.
his eyelids were never lifted, as if they were glued together.
He breathes deeply through the small hole on his throat (via tracheostomy), and his body is shivering due to fever that spikes so high.

there is nothing more devastating than seeing him, getting worser day by day.
one day before the tragedy, everything was just like a normal day. breakfast with his lovely wife. a warm kiss on his daughter's cheek and getting ready for work as usual.

but who knows that he will be involved in an accident that breaks his skull? who knows that he will develop intracranial bleeding?

alive yet unable to communicate.
alive yet unable to move.

sigh........

Mr N is actually only one of many victims of MVA (motor vehicle accident) that becomes vegetable.
of course, some of them improves.
(i even almost cried when one of them lift up his hand and wipe away his saliva. the previous week, he couldn't even open his eyes!)

they were from different stories, different races, different family, yet they presented with almost the same way: MVA with intracranial bleed.

so please. please drive safely.

p.s. a boy just came in yesterday after his motorbike hit the cow. now questions raised was 'how's the cow?', and not 'how are you?' thankfully he only develop a minor concussion.. ehe~

someone like you

2011-11-21T00:12:00.001+08:00

Adele - Someone Like You download at emp3

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised in a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/adele-lyrics/someone-like-you-lyrics.html]
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over yet

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah

Nothing compares, no worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

p.s. saje melayan blues tengah2 malam. ehe~

Without Words - Park Shin Hye (English Cover) ^_^

2011-10-26T14:29:00.000+08:00

aku, dia dan cinta

2011-10-21T18:47:00.001+08:00

my fav keychain... can't resist to buy this cute bling2 bear!!

Scenario 1
A: u, i risau la.
D: risau ape?
A: i risau i x kawen2
D: kenapa u cakap macam tu? mesti akan ade orang akan suka kat u..
A: tapi u pun xnak kawen dengan i kan?
D: (diam)
ok, tarik balik kata2 terakhir. tak sepatutnya cakap macam tu kat boyfriend orang.

Scenario 2
J: u kan girlfriend i
A: bile pulak i jadi gf u?
J: sejak kite makan same2 kat pizza hut
A: kalau u bf i, u lah bf yang paling sengal dalam dunia. sebulan sekali je kot u contact i
J: i tau. i memang tak guna. tapi u pun takkan boleh lupakan i, kan?
eeee benci betul dia ni.
tp apa yang dia cakap memang betul. haish

on the way

2011-10-21T03:07:00.001+08:00

They are already there
But we are still here

They had arrived
But we always get lost in the middle of the track

And somehow,
some way..

we managed to get back on the right path

I remember your arrogance,
the limp dat u've tried to hide
And the mistake that were forgiven yet never forgotten

Where are all of this heading?
We re definitely on the way
But to glory or fall????

Hmmmm
I'm not sure
And neither do you!

i'm a doctor but i have no money and no life!

2011-10-15T17:21:00.000+08:00

frankly speaking, dat's kinda the situation i am in now......

dat's the effect of working too much and spending too much!

i think i had to use the tip someone gave me: "save first! not later"

i've been working for 7 months now and truthfully, i had not save even a single penny.

maybe, maybe i wasn't aware of the future.

yeah, i've been wasting too much money until the lightning struck me.

remember my accident on the first day of raya?

turns out the insurance company did not cover the whole expenses!

owh my, i was so damn shocked.

there goes all of my money.

with no more on call money, my expenses went up to hill and my savings went downhill...

this is unbelievable...

people always thought that we got a raise.

but people,couldn't you see that the fact there is no more on call money?????

okay i am being fanatic now.

haha..

i'm a lil bit upset with myself.

but i got a new promise to my own self.

and i will make sure that i'll act wiser next time...

promise!

astronaut baby

2011-10-09T13:34:00.002+08:00

as usual, i always peek into the baby's room while i'm working at Labour Room..

nothing feels more refreshing than to play with those little newbies!!

and this 2 babies look like an astronaut, right???

so damn cute!!! huuuu

thank you for making my day, babies!!!

happy je walaupon kje penat... hehehehheeee

btw nurses selalu tegur i rajin pakai tudung lilit2...

tak susah lah kak..

tauk atas kepala, pusing2 lepas tu pin.

haha.

lalala~

p.s. baru je tau anak Angkasawan pertama Malaysia lahir sehari sebelum birthday saya, iaitu pada 21 Julai 2011... owh baby July mantap!!!! ehe~

lego lego cinta

2011-10-03T11:01:00.000+08:00

merah

kuning

biru

putih

satu persatu tersusun rapi

melapisi papan hijau

satu persatu saling bertindih

menjadi sebuah mahligai indah

2 tahun berlalu

sekejap terbina,

sekejap runtuh

sekejap tersergam megah

sekejap hancur,

berserakan di lantai

lego lego cinta...

antara kau dan aku

entah hancur atau terbina

tiada kepastian

kenapa dibina kalau hanya untuk dimusnahkan??

saat hati mula memaafkan

kau diam menyepi...

aku di sini setia menanti...

panggilan yang tak terjawab

dan pesanan tak terbalas..

awak,

nak mintak tolong boleh tak?

tolong jangan datang dan pergi sesuka hati!

huh..

rawr!

2011-09-15T13:52:00.000+08:00

awak, awak sayang saya tak?

sayang...

sayang macam mane?

macam dinosaur.

errkk... kenapa dinosaur?

(dinosaur garang dan makan orang!!!!)

sebab dinosaur besar, lah!

owh sebab tu ke (lega)

p.s. tibe2 rase dinousaur pon boleh nampak comel eyh?

Cak!

2011-09-08T21:11:00.000+08:00

rasanya belum terlambat nak ucap Selamat Hari Raya kepada semua.

tahun ni saya ber'pagi raya' di hospital...

tapi masih 'maintain' ceria'

yang kurang 'best'nya, sy accident pada hari raya pertama!

sayalah antara orang yang menambahkan bilangan 'ops sikap' tahun ni... hiks

sorry encik. lepas ni taubat dah taknak buat lagi...

tapi tetap meriah,apa lagi untuk 'cousin2' ku sebab tahun ni bertambah orang yang kene bagi duit raya (saya lah orangnye.. huuu)

nanti ade mase sy upload gbr raya lg ye...

oklah. nak bersiap pergi kerja dulu..

harini kerja malam.

agak pelik pergi kerja time tido.

huuuu

alkisah satu malam

2011-08-28T01:57:00.000+08:00

Harini aku on call.
Alhamdulliah semua ok je walaupun awal2 ade 2 pt kne operate gara2 breech presentation dan footling presentation..
Haru betul bila aku buat VE (vaginal examination) dan rasa kaki baby kt bawah padahal pintu rahim dah bukak 6cm... kelam kelibut sekejap...
Apepun....
Suasana hospital harini agak lengang.

Mungkin semua dh blk kmpg.

Tp td ade satu pt aku dr putrajaya.. kmpg kt melaka.. dh sampai kampung dah pun.. hehehehehe

Oleh krn x bnyk org suasana jd sejuk gila...

Td time aku nk pergi bilik linen cr selimut, tibe2 nmpk specialist aku bwk 3 selimut.. Spontan aku ketawa... Lps tu dia tanye aku "kenapa?"
"Sy pun cr selimut" jwb aku tersipu2..
Huhuuu...
Nasib baik specialist aku sporting...
Dia pon tido kt spital xleh blk...

P.s. Cptla kul 7 pg.. Dh kje dr 7pg smlm ni... Huhuuuuu

CDS
1.45am, 28/8/11

life is a learning process

2011-08-19T00:36:00.000+08:00

i was presenting my case when suddenly my specialist interupt me,

"your presentation had improved so much than few weeks back" she said.

i feel honoured!

you never know how much i hate myself when she scrutinize everything i said previously.

but now i am so fond of her.

seriously, i think i'm gonna miss her (this is my last week in her ward).

being a doctor, u had to learn and improve your skill everyday..

and it's like u are a student but u had your own responsibility also.

as usual, i enjoyed working in labor room just like i used to be when i was in Indonesia.

people may say our workload may aged us, but i think if we work with a smile and high spirit, nothing will seems too hard.

last night when i was on call, two of my patients was surprised dat i'm so young (is 24 years old young?) and one of them had even thought that i'm a student. i was confused. i think dat i doesn't look dat young.

but she said dat i look so enthusiastic and she loves to see a doctor smile.

well, she's having a new child, who wouldn't be so excited, right??

p.s. i really adore men who be by his wife's side when she's in labour.

it is so romantic.. ehe~

it's amazing how a simple smile create an enlightening situation.

i promise i'll try to keep on smiling..

lalala~

i fell in love with a froggie

2011-08-14T14:49:00.000+08:00

it was already afternoon...

my mood was swinging upside down dat i finally decided to grab some colorful stuffs to wear.

then i went out to see my lil sis at her MRSM.

suddenly i heard some boiling noise in my car (yup, BOILING noise!)

owh my...

after some counsel from my parents via phone, problems solved just by adding water into my engine cooler!

wuhuuu...

the day was hot and i went out shopping with my sis.

and you know what?

i saw the froggie again.

i had been eyeing on him since few months ago

and i can't take my eyes away from him since the first time i saw him.

my subconscious were fighting

subconscious A: come on. take him!

subconscious B: u don't need him... back off!!

subconscious A: but he's too cute!!!!

subconscious B: what does the term "u don't need him" dat

u didn't understand?

subconscious A: i don't care! he only cost RM 5, lah!

and at last, A wins!

tadaaa...

Mr. Froggie is very damn cute, aite?

seronok kura2 saya berenang dalam kolam baru

lalala~

salam

2011-08-12T20:45:00.000+08:00

hye everyone.

how's everyone holding up in this Ramadhan?
i'm sure everyone is alright though it's freaking hot here in Malaysia nowadays.

you know what?

truthfully, i didn't even feel like it is a Ramadhan when i was working.

people were eating freely as the wish.

i mean, i can understand if my patients' did not 'fast'. most of them are preggies and in labor (i'm in OnG department now).

even the hospital did not prepare sahur food (we get free foods during sahur when i was in Indonesia)

and most of the lunches that they prepared for us were thrown in the dustbin.

what a waste!

i really miss the Ramadhan in Indonesia.

there will be banners everywhere (and Raya wishes as well, even though Ramadhan had just started)

Most of the restaurant's windows are covered with curtains or white clothes, so that you can't see the people eating inside.

one of example where a food court is covered with a red curtain.

in Malaysia, people just ate openly even if it's a Ramadhan month.

no veil nor curtains *sigh*

i think those five years fasting in Indonesia had made me forgot all about the Ramadhan month in Malaysia.

except for the bazar Ramadhan and the tarawikh, nothing else makes me feel like this is a Ramadhan month.

hmmm....

or maybe it is just me who feels that way.

p.s. had a delicious Nasi Lemak kukus yesterday!

this make up for the 'tasteless' nasi kerabu that i bought before this.

i wonder why most of the foods at the Bazar doesn't taste as good as they seems?

maybe i should start to learn how to cook.

huuuuu~

perfecto

2011-07-30T09:10:00.000+08:00

hari ni best je..

bangun pagi2 tak payah mandi awal2.

x payah pergi hospital.

tengok dapur mama tengah masak mee goreng......

babah kopek durian...

(pagi2 dah makan durian? eh?)

dan lepas ni nak pergi shopping!

weee~

(tp esok on call. kene sahur kat hospital.hiks)

apapun di kesempatan ini, saya nak ucapkan,

Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan!

jangan tinggal puasa ye..

huuu....

they lie when they said age does not matter

2011-07-22T22:26:00.001+08:00

one day, during rounds, my specialist said to a patient

"wow, u are 24 and u already have 3 kids!"

then she turned to my friend and asked her,

"a*****, how old are you?"

"24, doctor" answered my friend with a sheepish smile.

so here we are, looking at two woman with the same age

(three if include me. i'm 24 too!)

one with 3 kids

and me and my colleague had not even married yet.

*sigh*

you know what?

as we were getting older, the tension build up.

seriously,

posting in OnG makes me day dream too much.

but i know i had to step my foot on the reality.

though seeing others had completed their life by marrying their love ones and have their own children, rushing will only cause disaster.

so here i am.

enjoying my own sweet time.

InsyaALLAH the right time will come and the right moment.

and then everything will be purrfect!

i still remember a moment where i feel so complete,

when i suddenly said to someone "don't leave me"

i don't know why i said that.

but i'm silently wishing that he's mine, forever.

now i know why it is more important than money

2011-07-20T06:34:00.000+08:00

imagine trapped in a capsule of time,

where you can see the outside but no one can hear you....

sometimes it feels like my wing was broken

which is kinda weird.. (cause I don't even have wings. ehe.)

this few days i have a feeling that i procrastinate too much!

no matter how much time i was given, it is always not enough.

and in the end, i found myself so frustrated and agitated!

so i set a new goal, as i'm approaching 24 years old soon, not to let things behind and prioritize on the right thing.

all work and no play makes jack a dull boy

but all play and no work makes me a dumb doctor!

i got more time in this department,

i mean, i can finally went back home at 5pm! *wow*

but i found myself being such a couch potato and a hibernating bear.

no matter how much time i given it is still not enough.

money can be find.

but where in the hell can you replace all of the lost time?

now i know why TIME is more important than money...

u r my muse, aint ya?

2011-07-16T22:26:00.000+08:00

you know what?

there's a highlight of my day today...

i was silent, sitting beside you while thinking how reluctant i am to let you go home when suddenly u said

'don't worry. i will come again to meet you'

as if u can read my mind!

wow.

did you know how i long for you to say dat u love me?

did you know what was running in my mind when we walk around the wedding exhibition today?

did you know how i enjoy being by your side?

and did you know that when you make me laugh, i feel like i can't just get enough of you?

oh how i wish i could tell you all this.

but u make me speechless.

i am so afraid to love cuz i can't accept to lose someone anymore.

and when u make me like u even more, i feel like crying.

for the millionth times,

i make a silent wish,

please stay in my chapter of live, will you?

tag until u drop!

2011-07-15T01:22:00.001+08:00

tagging is such a tiring process.

everyday i can only go back home at 10pm, which is so damn tiring.

last night i even slept on my sofa without even showering.

sofa saye warne merah! wuuu

and when i woke up at 4 am, i was like "alamak. tertido atas sofa lah" *tepuk dahi geleng kepala*

but today i am so excited as i've passed my assesment.

which means i can finally go back at 5 pm tomorrow!

yeay!

i can't wait to go back at 5 pm (i never went back home at 5pm before this)

first thing i'll do tomorrow : pay my BIS (blackberry internet service)

me n my torchie ^wink^

ngeh ngeh ngeh

senyum lebar gila sebab dah habis tagging..

alhamdulillah..

ehe~

oh how i love my job!

2011-07-03T23:41:00.000+08:00

i just love seeing those cute babies to be born, to see expecting mother so anxious and excited, to see proud to be father reciting azan for their new one.

oh, my.

seriously, OnG is such a beautiful department!

my highlight of the day is when i was having a trouble to insert a branula.

the patient's vein is so hard to be found.

a specialist saw me trying and he immediately come to help me.

'i know what is lacking'

i put a questioning look

'you just need to smile!' he said to the pregnant lady.

the lady smiled and the branula was inserted so smooth and quickly that it amazed me.

it's not his 'branula inserting' skill dat attracted me, but the way he approaches the lady was simply amazing...

p.s. i think i want to be like the specialist, lah. huuu~

p.s.s suke main2 dengan baby.. lalala~

please stay

2011-07-01T12:29:00.001+08:00

dear someone,

i know we just met
but how i wish you are not just a passer by.

please stay.

i don't want u to be just another person in my gallery.
i want u here.
I know this sounds too soon...
Don't blame me.
How would i realize that Mr. Cupid had aimed his arrows at me?

you step on my shattered heart

2011-07-01T04:36:00.000+08:00

it started just like another love story

we were both young when i first saw you
i close my eyes
and the flashback starts
i'm standing there
on a balcony in summer air
(Taylor swift: love story)

and then we started dancing to our own rhythm

I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart
(stevie wonder: i just called to say i love you)

And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

and then i started to daydream.
making big plans, loosened up a lil bit....

but suddenly, your song shifted......

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but good-bye
You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
(airsupply:goodbye)

if losing me is painful to you then why did u walk away?
if you knew there is no future then why did u call me back when i already left u and never knew of her existence?
you said u miss me
and u said that u care for me
but look what you have done

when someone crossed my path and was so sweet to me,

i can't help to think of what you had done.

congratulations!

you had just killed my trust to your species.

don't worry about me.

you did not worth my tears at all.

Ready, Aim, Love!

2011-06-28T19:27:00.001+08:00

it's my 6th day of holiday and i do everything i couldn't do for the past four months.

i slept as much as i can, and when i'm bored of sleeping, i started to play games again.

today i woke up early, not to go to work, but to turn myself into a hypnotized zombie....

i know u are wondering,

what on earth had transformed this young doctor into another creature?

i beg you, please don't laugh at me..

actually, i just found a new game inside my mother's laptop that immediately catches my attention.

it's another Flo games!!!!!

just when i thought i've conquered all diner dash series, i found a new series which could not stop me from challenging myself to start playing till the end!

just name it...

all diner dash series?

parking dash?

cooking dash?

i've conquered them all.

hahaha (evil laugh)

i know i sound childish but strategy games makes my mind working.

and nothing feels better than getting EXPERT title at all levels.

oklah. i need to continue my adventure with the clumsy little cupid in Wedding Dash: Ready, Aim, Love!

(now when will the cupid struck me with his bows of love? hmm)

perhaps this is the best thing for both of us

2011-06-27T12:03:00.000+08:00

you are so damn wrong to let me day dream too big.

but never mind..

i won't punish u..

cuz u said that u will never be at ease until i punish u.

so why don't i do this : never punish u and let u feel uneasy..

so dat u will always remember me..

like a ghost clinging around you...

u said that u deserve to be hated by me.

but i don't think i want to put more hatred in my life..

so just let me go..

cuz you know what?

i am so much happier on my crumpled mattress...

all alone by myself...

thank you babah

2011-06-19T13:05:00.001+08:00

today i take a good look into my reflections.
I realised how much fat i've lost in this few months.
and how 'serabut' i look.

Then I look at those big puffy eyes, effect of the lack of sleep.
Sometimes,i feel so damn tired with my life.

But then i will think of what my dad used to say, how he always encourage me, and words of wisdom that he kept repeating over and over again.

For without his words, i may have lost in my journey.
To think dat i may not reach here without him makes me feel so thankful that have such a great dad.
Now i really enjoy my job and i want to make him proud of me...

Thank you for making me who i am , babah

I can see the finish line!

2011-06-06T17:46:00.001+08:00

I can see the finish line but still so many requierements to be fulfilled

Oh myyyyy

help will come!

2011-06-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

it was a great crisis in medical department.

apparently, our beloved leader make a huge decision that triggers heat among us --> which is to get help from the seniors.

being one of the houseman in medical department, i decided to speak up on behalf of the nine that are currently in Medical Department.

THANK YOU for helping us, i said.

now i don't have to do EOD (every other day) on call.

and i think i have enough sleep .

i can even actually 'breath' easier.

and i finally can see my friend smiling.

not that we did not smile before...

but tiredness had drained all of our energy.

and now that help had come, and new taggers came along,

i feel so damn relieved.

hang on my dear friends.

help has come.

and i promise you.....

the age of darkness will soon leave us..

amin..

still surviving

2011-05-23T00:07:00.001+08:00

As i sat down in the air conditioned room, with beeps and tit tit tit from the monitors, suddenly a stupid thought flashes through my mind.
I was thinking, can i change place with them?
"Please sedate me" that's what I was thinking.
Next week will be harder as only few of us left in medical.
Did you know that there will be only 9 houseman in medical department next week who are able to 'on call'???
And in one day, there are supposed to be 5 of us 'on call', each covering two or three wards. (There are time where one houseman cover one ward, which I never experience at all)
I wish I can be stronger than this and able to work faster.
Please Ya ALLAH
Give us strength.
Give us strength to keep moving on.....
Please.....

I don't want to complaint
I just wish am able to live with this condition which really 'tearsl me up outside and inside.
Thankfully most of the medical officers are so helpful and understanding, especially dr. M, who even went down to lab and radiology centre to help me...

Still surviving,
Ainulrhy

High dependency ward,
12 am

silent wish

2011-05-19T16:09:00.000+08:00

Wish have more time for myself.
Somehow, always imagine myself at a seaside, with clear blue water and white sand, just like in Lombok or Bira.
I miss treating and pampering myself.
Oh how miss those old good days.....

drakula yg mcm ana rafali

2011-04-28T22:26:00.000+08:00

ahamdulillah, skrg dah ada new houseman. Walaupun brape kerat je tp takpela. They are still tagging but I feel so relieved. I hope things will be better soon.
P.s. One of my pt asked me "dokter tak pernah cuti ke?"
Ade yg siap ingt I tido kt hospital. Huhu
Penat ye asyik tgk muke saye pakcik?
Ape lg bila I dah sorong blood taking trolly.
Maaf ye. Sy bukan drakula tp dah memang keje saye menghisap darah.
Hehe.....
P.s.s student nurses panggil sy dokter ana rafali.
Lalala

Utusan Malaysia Online - Forum

2011-04-24T01:28:00.001+08:00

Utusan Malaysia Online - Forum

i am not a robot

2011-04-24T01:28:00.000+08:00

kwn2, nak curhat sikit boleh tak?

i was so overworked dat my MO ad specialist kesian kat i smpai diaorg clerk kan new cases for me...

tired sgt2 sbb 1 HO kne pegang smpai 38 patients....

everyday i feel like i wanna cry..

seriously, i love my job but i am not a robot.

kalaulah boleh charge myself with a battery, i'll buy a big battery and charged up all of my energy back

pesanan penaja

2011-04-11T23:41:00.001+08:00

kepada sesiapa yang dah nak jadi houseman,

tolonglah pilih hospital melaka dan masuk medical department!

(we were entitled to have a post call off or pm off after on call day, but with only few housemans, it is hard to even have an hour leave!)

so here i am, working 7 days a week. from 6.30 am to 6.30 pm (but usually i went back home at 9, and today i puched out my card at 10.30 pm!!!!)

rasa macam nak pengsan dah ni.

sigh*

i'm fine, thank you

2011-04-03T23:37:00.000+08:00

no.

i'm lying.

i am SO NOT FINE!!!!

urgh!

i better throw my heart into a dustbin

cuz it is so damn useless to give my heart to someone who never really cares about me.

perhaps i'm gonna be just like this!

lalala~

2011-04-03T23:24:00.000+08:00

just now, i was driving when i heard the most beautiful voice via my radio.

anuar zain is performing life in ABP!!!

omg...

suddenly, tears fell down my cheek...

my bf had just sent me an sms today, telling me not to contact him anymore.

fine.

nak tengok ABP.

eh, kembar aku menanglah!!!!!

tahniah, ana rafali!!

lalala~

unpaid advertistment

2011-04-03T00:10:00.000+08:00

seriously, nothing feels better than this Hush Puppies's body shoe!

loves the way it support the foot arch.

now i can 'run' faster, and i can wear it without any stocking all day long without worrying about smelly feet!

lalalalalaaaaaa

errrrrr

2011-03-28T00:05:00.000+08:00

tadi, masa aku tengah buat 'peritoneal tap' kat satu patient (dengan kepala agak mereng sebab kelmarin on call x sempat tido...), tiba2 uncle tu bertanya:

dokter, umur u berapa?
err... 24.. kenapa uncle?
lu sudah kawen?
belum
kenapa belum kawen?
bf saya sibuklah, uncle!
sibuk? dia suruh u tunggu ka? lu cepatlah kawen. lambat2 nanti tak bagus.

noted to Mr. bf.
who only laugh at the uncle's question......
then i ask him:

u, u ade gf ke tak de ni?
la.. u kan gf i!

ok, aku tanye soalan bodoh lagi kat dia..
*sengal*

Sedetik Lebih

2011-03-24T22:13:00.000+08:00

sayang,
izinkan aku mencintaimu sedetik lebih dari selamanya........

amazingly, insanely beautiful!

2011-03-23T01:32:00.000+08:00

you know what?

i had just realized that Melaka is so beautiful at night...

today i've decided to drive along the historical melaka, and i love every corner of this place!

(actually i was kinda bored since i spend so much time at the hospital, and i need to see something beautiful, a.s.a.p.!)

i've ~~stolen~~ taken this pic from here... u can see this view along the the well known river cruise path....

p.s. last week i've tried the river cruise with my parents. i enjoy the ride bt i almost dozed off halfway back (i was in post call mode at that time.. huhu)

along the river cruise path, you can also see the eye on Melaka (pic from here)...

and also this beautiful dancing fountain!

this guy here really had done a great job capturing these pics!

i was alone just now, so i just drive slowly and enjoy these view...

annd someway, somehow, the jonker walk also seems really nice at night

actually, traditional design wasn't really my thing but i found these place amazingly, insanely beautiful!

and when a bit of modern style added, it really melts my heart

(find out more on Jonker Walk from here)

seriously, i think i wanna stay here like, forever.

hehe

p.s. when they say that u could never get lost in Melaka, they were right.

i actually didn't know where i was going, but i manage to find my way back home easily..

hehe~

hidung berlari hari ketiga

2011-03-18T00:08:00.000+08:00

i know that i am always emo, and maybe, (mayyyyyybeeeeeeeeee) i over reacted.

but my leg hurts so bad and my runny nose makes me irritated and my throat feels so damn itchy!!!!!!

i even had to wear mask all day, and sometimes i sound sicker than my patients.

dear me, please get well soon...

p.s. nak cari Sabrina the Witch la...

nak suruh dia buat i tak sakit lagi dah...

p.s.s. aik, dokter pun cari bomoh??? errr~

surat cuti?

2011-03-15T00:04:00.000+08:00

doktor, mintak surat cuti!!!!!!

terkejut aku bila ade atuk mintak surat cuti kat aku hari ni..

'atuk nak cuti ape? atuk kan dah tak keje?'

'mintak cuti la. nak jumpe cucu! sakit kepala la duduk kat sini'

'errrr.... atuk, mane ade orang cuti dari hospital.....'

hahahahahahaha.......

lawak gila kot atuk sorang nih...

ade ke patut mintak surat cuti dari hospital untuk balik rumah?

petang tu, cucu2 dia datang...

patutlah dia rindu. semua comel2 belaka...

bila aku lalu je, dia jerit lagi 'dokter, mane surat?'

aku tergelak lagi..

'ni diaorang tak bagi saya balik. semua suruh duduk sini. dokter bagila surat'

ok mase tu aku tak tahan sangat nak gelak....

kelakar gila kot....

comel gila kot atuk tu!

haha~

hyperlacrimation due to sloppy morning rounds

2011-03-14T00:22:00.001+08:00

"i know you. i've heard that your knowledge is very little. did you want me to call dr. X and report you? do you want to be extended? is this how you do morning rounds?"

OMG!

yesterday was a very very very VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY horror day for me..

but i've learnt my lesson.

no more sloppy morning rounds.

and i should read more.

i can't let him think that i'm stupid or lazy.

seriously, am i that bad?

sometimes i feel like it is so hard to learn and work at the same time.

there's still so much to learn and i'm still trying my best to cope.

surprisingly, today i'm still high spirited, as always.

and i hope the upcoming days will always be another bright day for me...

p.s. after 2 weeks sleeping on the floor, mama and babah gave me a bed for my apartment. yeay!

p.s.s. my clothes are still inside my luggage. had to wait for first salary (which probably in two months time) before buying any furniture. hehe~

language barrier

2011-03-11T01:14:00.000+08:00

there's a foreign patient who doesn't know how to speak malay and knows only a little english...

seriously, it is so troublesome to get a history of his sickness.

too bad no one speak his languange. his friends had already go back home. and at that time, i feel so confused, that i wish i know how to speak Bangladesh!

during rounds, a specialist ask him to tell us his complains in his own language (and while he do dat, we had to try to understand each complains)

looking at our blank stare, he looks so frustated...

at last, he use sign languange to describe his pain (pain is apparently his favourite word)

the session took so long, and in the end, we end up laughing.

if someone said that working at a hospital is stressful, i doubt that. there's a lot of reason to smile, and i hope i can find at least one reason to smile each day...

p.s. my mum will be coming tomorrow! yeay!

patient saye chumil sgt la!

2011-03-10T00:20:00.000+08:00

dokter, dah makan?

aik, dokter tak balik lagi ke?

dokter, nak mihun tak? kalau belum, nnti sy beli itu mihun untuk dokter makan...

alamak, kenape comel sangat patient2 saya ni???

ni yang suke sangat pergi hospital ni...

lalala~

walaupun nurse dah bertukar 3 shift...

walaupun orang dari kantin dah hantar makanan banyak kali tapi perut saya masih kosong (sampai berbunyi2 perut bau makanan patient)

walaupun penat kerah otak memikirkan ape sakit patient2 tu...

walaupun kene tanye macam2 mase round tapi banyak xtau jawab..

walaupun nurse marah sebab asyik sepahkan file patient

walaupun pening kepala mencari vein patient dan menyucuk berliter2 darah sehari...

tapi saya suka kerja saya sebab patient banyak yang take care pasal saya (aik, dah terbalik ni)

haha....

tadi siap ade final year med student lagi tanya2 i psl penyakit patient i (mcm la i tau sangat kan. harini baru hari pertama tagging dari 7 pagi sampai 11 malam...) sbenarnye 8 to 10pm je.... tp xcukup masa la nak setelkan semua dalam 14 jam tu...

wow, 14 jam sehari x cukup?

dulu saya pun tak percaya..

sekarang dah alami sendiri baru saya tau.. huhu

p.s. specialist ward saya sangat2 best!!!!!!! suke gila dia... nmpk muda je tapi sangat pandai... nak jadi macam dia la.. boleh tak?

don't bleed my glass heart anymore

2011-03-03T06:49:00.001+08:00

it's funny when you keep on blaming me...

when u blame be (without reason) dat i'm cheating,

is that your other way of telling me dat you are cheating on me?

when u said 'congratulations for your wedding'....

is it another way to tell me that you are going to be married soon???

ahhh yes...

now i understand...

and now i know........

my glass heart is just a toy for you...

i deserve to be taken care of...

i can't let any tears roll down because of you anymore...

you don't worth my tears when you stopped respect my heart...

i can't bear this anymore......

let me die in your diary discreetly....

if you can't love me, please respect me...

if you can't respect my decision, please go away....

please....

my first day of tagging

2011-03-03T01:35:00.000+08:00

today i woke up lazily, with spirit so low because it's my first day of tagging! actually i was excited about it last week but yesterday's incident had taken me down the hill so fast that i feel so not ready to start tagging. sometimes, i feel like i had chosen the wrong profession..... but after starting my car's engine and listening to my favourite songs..., i feel a little bit more energetic.

i said to myself "i'm a doctor now. this is what i do! if i didn't take care of myself, then who will???"

as i'm still in my orientation week, i walk around the hospital during the office hours and ask for simple introduction from each department. then at 6pm, the 'real' thing begins......

the 1st ward that i went is the dengue ward, where there was so many blood need to be taken! it's a very good way to refresh my 'blood drawing' techniques. but the ward wasn't in active mode since there are not so many dengue cases in this season.

then i go to 2 other wards, where i do nothing except walking and looking around.

thus, i decided to go to an active ward.

at the ward, me and my colleagues were very welcomed.

there were so many things to do. draw blood, take patient history, clerk patient case, present case...

wow, i haven't done this for a while! (fyi, my first clerking was a little bit KO.. huuu~)

it's a little bit shocking, but the specialist, the MO and the 'senior' housemans were very friendly.

however, there are two moments that makes me wanna cry today.

1st time is when i draw a patient's blood, and suddenly she asked me 'doctor, have you eaten?'

i answered 'no, not yet'

then she seems so worried and i feel so touched. (you are so sweet lah auntie! =) )

2nd time is when my friend tried to draw another patient's blood, with such a difficulty (the patient's veins are so hard to localised that i raise a white flag)....and the patient said 'kesian doktor'...

oh my... it is she who's in pain because of the needle prick. yet she feel so sympathy that she even pray for us???

my tagging was supposed to be from 6pm to 10 pm, yet i went home at 11pm.

but i went home feeling contented, and now i finally realise that i haven't choose the wrong profession....

alhamdulillah.....

i really hope that i can be a good doctor... amin.....

oklah, now i wanna sleep like this garlfield!!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

you've got a friend

2011-02-26T13:42:00.000+08:00

When your down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring , summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a freind.
If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, Spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.
You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don't you know that,
Winter Spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you've got to do is call.
Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
You've got a friend.

and the clock strike 12

2011-02-24T00:12:00.000+08:00

i feel like it was yesterday when i come to Makassar, on a journey to gather knowledge and life values and morals, when suddenly i am here --> on my 2nd day of induction and 4 days to go until i'll start working in Malacca. wow, this is big!

people kept telling me that they had been dreaming to be a doctor but they didn't got the chance. but i can see that he/ she enjoys their work so much. so does it matter if u didn't achieve ur dream but u r doing something u like?

intelligent alone can't create a doctor. an orthopaedic surgeon once said 'it is alright if u r stupid. but it is fatal if u have a bad attitude'

and how can u be a positive person with a good attitude?

the answer is simple: u must have passion in what u do..

insyaALLAH, u'll be a useful person..... amin

just now, a colleague ask our fasilitator, "what if we saw someone on the road, injured due to accident. can we help them? what if the person died on the spot and we were blamed?"

seriously, i found that question intriguing.

she's worried of being sued rather that saving a human's life?

or maybe she wants to help but was taught at the oversea that the case is not her responsibility..

and the fasilitator said that we work 24 hours. and we have a responsibility. so we must help, lah!

i mean, think logically lah, how can u let a person bleed to death if u can help? i think dat it is more like a MORAL issue..... right?

now the clock has struck to 12,

and an adventorous new journey begins.......

caught in the camera!!!!!

2011-02-22T09:13:00.000+08:00

my bro came when i was dusting shoes, wearing a green jersey and sport shoes in a shoe retail shop. though i only had the chance to work here for a week, i enjoy the work (which is almost like a housework- sweeping, cleaning the glasses, dusting shoes, and the best part (or the most agonizing one?) is to search for shoes based on codes and colours in the huge store!!!!!)

oklah, wanna get ready for my induction! gotta be there at 2 pm... wish me luck!

please... (i'm trying to be polite)

2011-02-21T17:23:00.000+08:00

i wonder why 'someone' couldn't understand anything that i told him.

hello, i'm using a human language here.....

when i said please don't remind me of my past, dat means stop bothering me cuz u r part of my past.

please stop reminding me to call you, cuz i won't.

and please get outta my life.

i'm starting a new life now.

i need you to get out of my life!

urrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~

saya sayang nenek saya

2011-02-20T08:32:00.000+08:00

pagi semalam, aku duduk di samping nenek.....

aku beritahu dia " nenek syikin dah nak pergi kursus induksi selasa ni. dah nak kerja la ni"

nenek tersenyum lebar "nanti kerjala kat melaka. senang nenek nak pergi kat kau"

nenek senyum lagi.

tiba- tiba dia menangis.............

"nenek lega kau dah berjaya jadi dokter. dulu mase mak kau kecik atuk kau tinggalkan... tak bagi duit.... "

kisah lama disebut kembali. jerih perih nenek saat muda, membesarkan anak- anak sendirian....

(ala nenek jangan la nangis lagi..... kalau mcm ni aku rase macam nak menangis jugak... tak macho la kalau nangis....)

bila nak balik ke Mersing, nenek selalu sedih. semalam pun dia dah kurung ayam seekor, nak suruh babah sembelih, nanti boleh la mama masak gulai. tapi mase tu kami dah bersiap nak ke Kuala Lumpur. muka nenek macam kecewa je.... sedih aku tengok nenek.

sekarang nenek ade hypertension, diabetic foot. penat suruh nenek jaga makan, tapi dia selalu tak nak.

kadang2 nenek nangis lagi.....

"nenek banyak penyakit.... macam2 dah tak boleh makan"

alaaaa... kesian nenek... sayang nenek....

lat talilat laili tamplum

2011-02-18T01:22:00.001+08:00

hye all...

aku da dapat surat dari kementerian hari khamis. 22hb februari ni mulai induction!!!!!!!!!!!! cepat betul.

kelam kabut buat surat berhenti kerja sambilan, buat medical check up, cari majistret untuk akuan berkanun, pos surat reply ke JPA...

paling susah bila nak bagitau alieff (my youngest brother) yang aku lepas ni tak duduk rumah lagi dah. dia tak percaya. sampai pergi tanya mama "betulke kakak nak pergi jauh?"

lepas tu, masa dia online, dia tulis kat wall facebook aku "sedeh nye alieff:'(.... kakak da nak pergi jauh"

sedih sikit la bila baca komen budak manja yang baru tujuh tahun ni.... hikshiks

sekarang ni, placement masih tak tau kat mana lagi!!

agak2nye kan, hospital manelah aku keje nanti ye?

1. HOSP. TUANKU FAUZIAH, KANGAR

2. HOSP. SULTANAH BAHIYAH, ALOR SETAR
3. HOSP. SULTAN ABDUL HALIM, SUNGAI PETANI
4. HOSP. KULIM, KEDAH
5. HOSP. PULAU PINANG
6. HOSP. SEBERANG JAYA
7. HOSP. TAIPING, PERAK
8. HOSP. RAJA PERMAISURI BAINUN, IPOH
9. HOSP. TELUK INTAN
10. HOSP. SERI MANJUNG, PERAK
11. HOSP. KUALA LUMPUR
12. HOSP. TENGKU AMPUAN RAHIMAH, KLANG
13. HOSP. SELAYANG, SELANGOR
14. HOSP. KAJANG, SELANGOR
15. HOSP. SERDANG, SELANGOR
16. HOSP. AMPANG, SELANGOR
17. HOSP. SUNGAI BULOH, SELANGOR
18. HOSP. TUANKU JAAFAR, SEREMBAN
19. HOSP. TUANKU AMPUAN NAJIHAH, KUALA PILAH
20. HOSP. MELAKA
21. HOSP. PAKAR SULTANAH FATIMAH, MUAR
22. HOSP. SULTANAH AMINAH, JOHOR BAHRU
23. HOSP. BATU PAHAT, JOHOR
24. HOSP. SULTAN ISMAIL, JOHOR
25. HOSP. TENGKU AMPUAN AFZAN, KUANTAN
26. HOSP. SULTAN HAJI AHMAD SHAH, TEMERLOH
27. HOSP. SULTANAH NUR ZAHIRAH, KUALA TERENGGANU
28. HOSP. RAJA PEREMPUAN ZAINAB II,KOTA BHARU
29. HOSP. UMUM SARAWAK, KUCHING
30. HOSP. SIBU, SARAWAK
31. HOSP. MIRI, SARAWAK
32. HOSP. QUEEN ELIZABETH, KOTA KINABALU
33. HOSP. TAWAU, SABAH
34. HOSP. DUCHESS OF KENT, SANDAKAN, SABAH
35. PUSAT PERUBATAN UNIV. KEBANGSAAN MALAYSIA (PPUKM)
36. PUSAT PERUBATAN UNIV. MALAYA (PPUM)

37. HOSP. UNIV. SAINS MALAYSIA (HUSM)
38. HOSP. PUTRAJAYA

ade 38 hospital yang boleh buat housemanship.... rambang mata nak pilih tempat.. entah mane la kerajaan nak hantar aku nih..... lat talilat je la mane2 tempat. boleh????

p.s. haritu babah cakap kereta pertama nanti belilah myvi... aku tak nak. tapi tengok kereta myvi ni macam chumillah pulak. mencapub betul!!!!

(amboi... belum kerja dah berangan nak beli kereta?????)

2011-02-13T01:33:00.001+08:00

hey there...

i was kinda busy last few days. had started working part time in a sports shop. after few weeks filled with excessive sleep, eat and games, i've finally decided to be more proactive. so here i am, being a promoter in one of a famous sports retail shop in Malaysia.

the funny part is, nobody there knows that I am a doctor. in fact, when I apply for the job, i wrote my high school as my education (i'm not lying, i just left a few blank space. ehe~) i refuse to let them know dat i'm actually a-just-graduated-student-who-will-be-a-doctor soon. then yesterday, i receive an offer letter from SPA (the government) saying dat i had been appointed as a gov officer! i never thought i'll receive it this fast.i thought dat i can collect some money first. ehe~

i still didn't know where and when i'll start working as a House Officer but i had to report in two weeks! dat means only two more weeks of staying home, enjoying mama's cooking, making my little brother cry and playing games! but most of all, i've been thinking how on earth i can tell my boss that i will quit working there soon. i can't help to feel a little bit guilty.......... but i haven't done anything wrong, have i?

anyway, working in a sports shop is kinda fun!

love to clean up the rack while admiring those beautiful, branded shoes! LOL

David Archuleta: A Little Too Not Over You

2011-02-07T15:57:00.000+08:00

dear someone, this song says everything that i need to tell you.
I'm just a little too not over you

It never crossed my mind at all
That's what I tell myself
What we had has come and gone
You're better off with someone else

It's for the best I know it is but I see you
Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside
And I turn around, you're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why you're so hard to forget
Don't remind me, I'm not over it
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you, not over you

Aren't memories supposed to fade?
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go
Didn't think it'd be this hard

Should be strong, movin' on but I see you
Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside
And I turn around, you're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why you're so hard to forget
Don't remind me, I'm not over it
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Maybe I regret everything I said
No way to take it all back, yeah
Now I'm on my own, how I let you go
I'll never understand
I'll never understand!

Tell me why you're so hard to forget
Don't remind me, I'm not over it
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Tell me why you're so hard to forget
Don't remind me, I'm not over it
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth
And I really don't know what to do
I'm just a little too not over you, not over you

medical doctor interview

2011-02-03T15:35:00.001+08:00

one of the most important thing before being a doctor is the INTERVIEW.

many are scared, so they studied day and night for their interview. i am one of them, but i studied "ELLE" magazine a day before the interview, which help nothing for my interview. huhu...

although i live in Mersing, i can't choose any place near home as the interview for Medical Doctor is only held at Putrajaya. perhaps it is not easy to call a doctor who had time to interview us. but dat's just a guess.

so here's how it goes:

Int.1: Introduce yourself

Me: My name is Ainul Rhyshikin Yusoff, i was born on 22nd of July 1987, i study at ... (bla bla bla)

Int. 1: Why did you want to be a doctor?

Me: I like to interact with people and by being a doctor, i get the chance not to only meet people, but also to help sick people.

Int. 1: How did you see yourself in five years?

Me: i see myself taking OnG specialty. i found OnG is fun and interesting. although it is tiring, but it is all worth it.

Int. 1: Are you aware of the housemanship in Malaysia?

Me: Yes. i have read blogs and asked my seniors about their work. it's ok if they say bad things because i want to be prepared for whatever obstacles i will face.

Int.1: What obstacles did you face in Indonesia

Me: There are some people there dat didn't like us as a Malaysian, but all i can do is just be polite and respect them...

Int.1: What did you think are the quality of a good doctor?

Me: i think the most important quality is how a doctor interact with people. when a patient come to see a doctor the first thing they look is how the doctor greet the patient and how they talk. then, the doctor must be well educated and intelligent. i mean, how can they cure people if hey didn't know the theory, right?

My answers weren't exactly like that. i think i talk a lil bit too much by elaborating. ahaks.

then it was the time for the second interviewer, who's a doctor:

Here's the questions:

Since you are interested in OnG, what did you know about the Maternal Mortality Rate?

What are the MMR rate in Malaysia?

Why does MMR important?

What are the main cause of maternal death?

What are the differences of pre eclampsia and eclampsia?

What causes seizure in eclampsia?

What is the second cause of maternal death?

How did we manage blood loss?

i didn't know all of the answers but i think it went well. hehe..

hope everything is ok.

amin

gambar ana rafalli pakai tudung

2011-02-03T12:17:00.000+08:00

cuba korang tengok gambar ni.

manis kan ana rafalli pakai tudung.

sweet je...

hmm... korang percaya ke yang pakai tudung tu ana rafalli?

sebenarnye, yang pakai tudung tu, i.ngeh ngeh ngeh...

entah kenapa tiba2 banyak orang cakap muka i mirip ana rafalli.

entahlah. mase mula2 tengok, terkejut gak.

i rase betul kot ade iras2 sikit. haha...

agak2 ade tak orang nak mintak autograph i?

nak jugak merase jadi femes.

menggedik je post ni kan, kan?

err....

sori ye..

jangan muntah lak.... =D

fear of white coats

2011-01-26T00:39:00.000+08:00

i was blogwalking when i came across a segment in this blog titled Anda Takut Doktor Tak?

this is a common topic. so many people are afraid of doctors (or should i say... Iatrophobia?).

now, the question is

'why are they afraid of us?'

we look like other people.

we eat.

we talk.

we walk

and we SMILE.

so...... what's to be afraid of?

hehe

anyway, did you know that doctors feel scared too?

we are scared of rich patient that always tell us what to do,

based on what they read on the net instead of trusting us.

life had changed.

people had become more intelligent.

i had to admit that it is good to learn about disease from Mr. Google,

but just as a reference okay, people!

once there was a cardiologist, feared by medical students like me (err... i'm not a student anymore.. hihi), for he is so bright but always ask us questions that we could find answers on any book...

one day a patient said to him 'doctor, i'll pay anything. just do a bypass surgery on me!'

now the thing is, the patient does not need a bypass surgery!

*sigh*

no matter how great a drama on tv, nothing beats a real life drama...

life is full of dilemmas, right?

i miss my hectic life! =(

2011-01-23T22:17:00.000+08:00

i was looking at my album when i saw this pic.

took this pic during opthalmology posting.

you know what?

i miss my 'hospital life'...

in fact i miss it so much that i can't wait to work!

i know that there will be so many obstacles when i start to work but still....

*sigh*

i hate a long vacation. though it is fun to spend lots of time with my family, i can't live like this everyday. i need to meet new people. that's why i love working at the hospital. though i work at the same environment everyday, i get to meet new people, watch new 'real life drama' and learn new things.

i miss those good old times when i work 12 hours a day. tiresome, but exciting. i know it sounds weird but that is me.

let's just hope dat when i start working as a houseman i won't regret i've said this. hehe...

p.s. wanna know what i also miss?

i miss this red runner shoes! the most comfortable flats... ever! but i left it at Makassar (stupid)

p.s.s. i really love to wear flats during 'working' at the hospital. so comfy that i can run!

pathway to be a House Officer (HO)

2011-01-13T22:58:00.000+08:00

yesterday i went to Putrajaya to register as a qualified Medical Doctors.

trust me, the processes were kinda confusing at first, because i didn't know what exactly i should do first.

but with discussions, Mr. Google, and this useful table showed to me by my colleague, i finally understand the procedures.

please refer to the latest JPA contact person at SPA here

before going to the Ministry, i had prepared several things:-
1) copies of academic result, medical degree (as an Indonesian graduate, i also copy my S. Ked), IC, birth certificate and SPM result (if you have lost your SPM result, just get a copy at Block E 11)
2) fill the SPA application form online and PRINT
3) print the JPA form and fill the form (this is only for JPA loan and 'biasiswa' students)

4) passport picture

****************************************************************************

at Putrajaya, first, we go to Bahagian Sumber Manusia at KKM (Kementerian Kesihatan Malaysia, located at the 9th floor of Block E7, Precint E)
there,we were given a form, which we must fill (thank god i had saved my PARENT's IC NUMBER had already discussed the locations that i wanted to work with my parents. it really helps!)

then i go to JPA, precisely at the 5th floor, Bahagian Pembangunan Insan, Presint 2 to report that i had finished studying.
here i had to give the JPA form, printed SPA form, result, degree (this can be done by post)

so now the next step is to fill in the Malaysian Medical Counsil form.

my head jammed a little bit right now. so many things to do, lah. owh owh.. help....

p.s. did you know that you can check whether your university is qualified or not? i am surprised to see this link. hehe..

weirdity

2011-01-09T00:28:00.000+08:00

it's weird when you are finally a doctor, but haven't work yet.

it's like you are between your home and your favourite restaurant, and although u almost reach there, you are still not there yet.

it's weird when you used to look at doctors and you said i want to be him/ her, and then when you are finally one, you feel awkward.

it's weird when your mum used to tell you, 'look, she's a doctor', and now it is YOU dat people look at and tell their kids 'look, she's a doctor. you want to become a doctor too, right?'

seriously, everything feels weird.

maybe i am not used of this 'not a student' status anymore.

but i refuse to be called a DOCTOR. i haven't start working yet, and hell i'm scared of what might happen in the future.

my uncle (he's a doctor) is already offering me to work at his clinic.

my dad gave me forms and list of my future salary.

seriously, everything freaks me out.

sigh.

i'm scared.

i've been trying to find articles about HO, and most of them makes me more scared than ever!

but perhaps it is better to expect the worst.

p.s. in this kind of time, i always sing to myself

'que sera2, whatever will be, will be'

(while imagining the cute Luna Lovegood in Harry Potter)

hihi..

purple feeling

2011-01-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

i don't know what i feel right now...

if there is one picture dat can describe it, this is the one.

somehow, this picture speaks to my heart.....

i'm not happy. i'm not sad.

i'm just.... feeling purple

kenanglah aku

2011-01-05T11:54:00.000+08:00

naff kenanglah aku mp3 | lyrics
free music downloads | music videos | pictures

karamnya cinta ini
tenggelamkanku di duka yang terdalam
hampa hati terasa
kau tinggalkanku meski ku tak rela
*courtesy of LirikLaguIndonesia.net
salahkah diriku hingga saat ini
ku masih mengharap kau tuk kembali

mungkin suatu saat nanti
kau temukan bahagia meski tak bersamaku
bila nanti kau tak kembali
kenanglah aku sepanjang hidupmu

mungkin suatu saat nanti
kau temukan bahagia meski tak bersamaku
bila nanti kau tak kembali
kenanglah aku sepanjang hidupmu

masih ku ingat.. kau bilang lagu ini untuk aku, saat aku dalam perjalanan ke bandara... saat itu aku bertahan untuk tidak menangis di hadapanmu. aku tidak mahu kau melihatku menangis lagi. biar senyumanku yang terus kau ingat dan kenang.. biar kau sekarang hanya bayang2, jauh di sisi aku, hatiku masih milikmu.. andai ada jodoh, kita pasti akan ketemu lagi.

mungkin suatu saat nanti bahagiaku itu masih dengan kamu...

insyaALLAH...

last few days in Makassar

2010-12-29T16:15:00.000+08:00

i've been in this hot and humid Makassar for almost five and a half years. i dare not say dat i hate this place, for this is where i've learnt so much in my life. and no matter what, being in Makassar is one of my important page in my life. The last time i met my family was a year ago....... and finally, my family is here! yeay!

my mum almost didn't recognise me as i've gain a lot of weight (kene aerobic la macam ni.. hiks)

anyway, my lil bros were so excited to take a ride on this 'bento' (like a beca + motorcycle)

alip was very shy at first... but see how excited alip was during dinner!

amie was so curious to taste a 'bebek goreng' (fried duck)..

nyum nyum....

i really like this rice basket. so unique lah
actually, my family come here to Makassar for my graduation day.. which is today!!!

taddaaaaa.... now i am officially dr. Ainul Rhyshikin Yusoff

taking pics with mama, babah, alieff and amie at the hotel

mama and babah at the VIP seats (our faculty gave Malaysian parents VIP seats) hehe~

me and my colleagues with our mother.

our graduation is actually on the 31st of Dec, so most of our parents had planned to come to Makassar on the 29th of Dec. but last Thursday, our Uni CHANGE our graduation date to 29th of Dec, causing only some of our parents to change their flight date. and their reason to change the date is dat they did not REALIZE dat 31st of Dec is a PUBLIC HOLIDAY. weird eyh? whateverlah.

amie made this card for me... and everyone sign it... i like this a lot!

thank u everyone ^.^

p.s. sad to leave Makassar, especially my dear. he had helped me a lot, especially when my parents is here.... but i had to believe that everything happens for a reason, and ALLAH knows the best...

bila bola letak kat hati dan bila nasib ditentukan oleh sotong

2010-12-29T14:49:00.000+08:00

stress.

itu kata2 semua mahasiswa malaysia di Makassar. dari student tahun pertama sampai yang wisuda (graduate) hari ni, semua reaksi sama bila ditanyakan tentang perasaan mereka berada di sebuah negara yang sedang marah dengan negara kami. ini adalah antara reaksi mereka di facebook....

nur halima ishak : meminjam kata seorg teman..'saya meletakkan bola di kaki bukan di hati'...teman2 bukankah ukhwah n persaudaraan itu lbh bnilai di sisi Allah dari sebiji bola yg xbnyawa?? hurmmm...

nachia rahim : dokter ooh dokter.. X reti ke nk diffrntiate btwn work n prsonal ?? Its jst football.. Fanaticism really make me sick !!

nurul iman : We were furious when people did and said bad things about our race & country, until the bond we tied were broken, love become hatred and sitting side by side seems to be the last thing we want to do. But do we feel the same when our religion was treated the same? We ignore the purity that unites us for the sake of our own selfishness.

memang tak dapat dibayangkan. ada yang kami anggap teman cakap negara kami 'malayshits'. dan ada yang nak 'tembak jaga' semua koas Malaysia. apa salah kami????

apa dosa kami sampai nak marah2 kami?

should u hate us just because of some men running on the field kicking ball? and some stupid people who we didn't even know of?

renungkan kembali kata2 teman saya iman tadi, do we feel the same when our religion was treated the same?

be professional, lah. please. we are doctors. we treat patient equally. and we treat our colleague equally. should we declare war just cuz of soccer?

p.s. pernah jumpe duplicate paul si gurita???

p.s.s. selamat menonton second leg AFF. tak sabar nak tau final macam mane. apa pun hasilnya, aku cume mengharapkan kesejahteraan antara Malaysia dan Indonesia.... semoga kita akan tetap menjadi sahabat selamanya.

mama, anak mama dah jadi dokter!

2010-12-18T12:49:00.000+08:00

17/12/2010

hari itu aku bangun dengan perasaan bercampur baur.
gelisah, risau, tp sangat teruja.
5 tahun setengah aku menanti hari ini.
hari yang bakal menjadi salah satu hari terpenting dalam hidupku.

sebelum kita melangkah lebih jauh,
mari kita bayangkan satu skenario........

bayangkan tok guru silat duduk bersimpuh di depan semua anak muridnya, dan satu persatu dipanggil dan ditauliahkan lulus.

haaa... macam tu lah yudisium (babah yang bg perumpamaan macam ni)

cuma bezanya, pada yudisium kami,
pembantu dekan 1 duduk di atas kerusi,
memanggil nama kami semua yang dengan bangga memakai white coat dan seragam hitam putih dan mengisytiharkan bahwa kami telah sah lulus dari fakulti perubatan dan disahkan menjadi seorang dokter.
terasa meremang bulu roma saat dengar dr. Budu, Sp. M (spesialis mata) mengumumkan nama kami masing- masing.
semuanya tersenyum bangga.
dan aku tak salahkan mereka untuk merasa sedikit bangga.
iya, mungkin ada yang akan membidas dan berkata 'perjalanan masih panjang'.
tapi setidaknya kami telah berjaya mengharungi 5thn setengah ini.
dan aku juga pasti, orang tua kami juga pasti bangga.
tapi gelar sebagai seorang dokter bukanlah hanya untuk dibanggakan, tapi ia juga membawa satu tanggungjawab yang besar.
seperti dalam 'pembekalan' kami tadi, kalau james bond diberi lesen untuk membunuh (license to kill), seorang dokter diberi lesen untuk menyembuhkan (license to heal)
tahniah teman2 seperjuanganku!!!!!!!

p.s. nak upload gambar tapi tak boleh. later lah okay ^.^
sorry

p.s.s. insyaALLAH aku akan mengucapkan sumpah dokter pada 23 disember 2010. graduation pada 31 disember 2010. hehehehe....

fireworks

2010-12-15T10:27:00.003+08:00

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Katy Perry Firework lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/katy-perry-firework-lyrics.html

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

footnote:

am trying to stay optimistic now..

perhaps there's a firework in me dat need to be ignited right now.

who knows?

random rainbows

2010-12-14T08:33:00.000+08:00

hey there!

what a lovely morning today, right?

i just wanna talk randomly today.

cuz i've been dying to update my blog but my wireless internet is so damn slow. *sigh

anyway, there are three hospitals near my house.

but this one is the most beautiful, (and expensive too).

it is called private care center.

even clinical students weren't allowed to go there.

i took this picture when i'm walking to the Wahidin's public hospital which is located just in front of this hospital.

i enjoy my morning walk very much. gonna miss dat soon. hehe..

another thing i'm gonna miss is dis....

i'm madly in love with froyo right now (yup, froyo, not frodo)

fyi, froyo is frozen yogurt

well, in case u didn't know =)

one of my fav place is Yoguville, which is located at Mtos.

my fav toppings are oranges and rainbow sprinkles...

oh my, i'm salivating right now...

gonna get one this evening. lah. ehehe~

have you ever heard of Nike Ardilla?

i never knew her but there's so many restaurants with her name.

and this one is filled with her clothes and mannequin!

sorry for bad quality pics. i took this with my 1.3 megapixel camera in my phone.

hehe..

there's 3 live sized doll dat looks like her but i forgot to take a pic.

i love her boots so much dat i even said to myself

'what a waste to let a mannequin to wear such a beautiful thing'

ok, i sounds crazy right now...

haha..

actually i am still not so sure whether i can grad or not this dec.

i've finished all of my clinical, but as i get my result a little late, and the date to register is closed already... well, you can guess lah what happen next.

but i'm still hoping i can grad this dec.

please pray for me..

please...

seems like yesterday

2010-11-22T18:27:00.000+08:00

you know what???

it seems like yesterday i enter Paediatric department (my first clinical department)

seems like yesterday i make this name tag

seems like yesterday i was 'stranded' at fatimah's hospital where i cried every day and said to mama dat "i don't want to be a doctor' (those babies are cute but i was so damn tired)

seems like yesterday Balqis gave me this Jack, Kack, Lack, Mack, Nack, Quack and Pack

seems like yesterday i came to Makassar and learn dat this thing is called pete2

seems like yesterday my 'ukui' died because he didn't wanna eat for three months (and i still wonder why)

and it seems like yesterday i wore my scrubs and entered the OT

having 'fun' dissecting corpse...

eating konro bakar like 'flinstones'...

touching snake for the first time in my life...

learning how to help deliver babies... (and doing it too...) i really like OBGYN!!!! wee~

lepak2 with my beloved friends...

oh ya.. two weeks at the ER was also unforgettable

how can i forget? those weeks makes me learn how to sleep on tiles!!

learning how to wear 'baju bodo'

camwhoring in the changing room....

'bergelumang' with heavy and thick books (will still do this till i'm blind and too old) ehe~

'melaram' for dinner and colleagues wedding ceremony..

teaching friends how to cook 'roti puree'

swimming at beautiful beaches (Bira and Samalona)

and celebrating eids with friends...

i feel excited that i almost become a doctor.

but a piece of my heart didn't want to go home.

i'm gonna miss all of this...

and most of all, i'm gonna miss my dear.

i had to admit, he changes me a lot (in a good way)

and he had helped me so much...

i love him, but i'm afraid the distance will tear us apart...

but if we were destined to be together, insyaALLAH we will meet again right??

oh my...

dec is almost coming...

i am so damn nervous, lah...

*i think i should solat istikharah*

right?

hydrocephalus baby

2010-11-18T06:40:00.000+08:00

i was 'working' at the recovery room last week and i saw a baby crib at the front of the operation theathre.
i was so curious so i take a peek.....
and oh my!

another hydrocephalus baby????
this is like the third case i found here.
but the hospital is the main hospital in South Sulawesi,
so all of weird cases from small villages will be sent here...
btw have you heard about this disease?
what is it????
hydrocephalus is an excessive accumulation of fluid (cesebrospinal fluid) in the brain.
what cause it????
it may be caused by inherited genetic abnormalities or developmental disorders.
Other possible causes include complications of premature birth such as intraventricular hemorrhage, diseases such as meningitis, tumors, traumatic head injury, or subarachnoid hemorrhage
what are the symptoms???
the most obvious symptom of hydrocephalus is often a rapid increase in head circumference or an unusually large head size.
Other symptoms may include vomiting, sleepiness, irritability, downward deviation of the eyes (also called "sunsetting"), and seizures.

ok, let take a look again at the baby.... (scroll up)
did you see the sunset phenomenon? (the downward eyes)

poor baby...
i hope he will get well soon....
let us all pray for him, okay?

infos taken from here..

feel free to click to learn more about this disease.
ehe~

raye lagi?

2010-11-16T06:36:00.000+08:00

rasa macam nak nanges dengar takbir.....

aik, da lima tahun raya kat sini pon nak sedih- sedih jugak ke???

entahlah...

takde mood nak beraya..

kepala pening urus exam, result and things for graduation...

rasa mcm nak gila je....

thank god there's someone who can make me still sane...

ehe~

p.s. harap2 raya haji ni seceria raya aidilfitiri yang lalu... sangat colourful!!! sukeeeeer

meet Mr. D's angels

2010-11-12T16:09:00.000+08:00

kalau korang tgk gambar ni mesti korg tertanya2.

kenapa ainul pegang hair dryer??

kenapa muka wid macam tu mase tengok ain menulis?

kat mane nih?????????

huhuhuhu....

kami bertiga memang sengal (eh, mereka berdua je. aku masih normal. hihi)

btw, aku pegang hair dryer sebab aku bukak salon. free.....

pacu= post anesthesia care unit

selama seminggu kat sini,memang banyak kejadian aneh terjadi...

ain dituduh mencuri sebab bukak almari dengan gunting....

cube kita tgk ape yg dia nak curi

aik, ubat pon nak curi ke? iskiskisk

kejadian lain, aku ngantuk sangat....

jadi aku tido bwh meja...

tiba2, dokter dtg dan berdiri dpn aku...

punyelah cuak aku...

takut kene tangkap...

huhuhu......

oklah. aku kene stop.

wid da marah...

da pukul 4...

aku nak balik dulu...

babaiiiii

p.s. Mr D is the resident responsible at PACU.. hehe

wuhuuuu

2010-11-12T13:08:00.003+08:00

siklus yg telah dilalui

siklus sekarang

tak sangka 'moment' ini datang juga....

lalalala¬

one more day to go and no more department to enter!!!

wuhuuuuuu!!!

(tp cardiology and anestesi belum exam. hehe)

p.s.jangan jakun ye. clerkship cycle kami diatur via internet. hehehe

sila klik gambar untuk tumbesaran =)

the fastest surgery record?!?!

2010-09-27T22:50:00.000+08:00

i've heard about how fast eye surgery (phacoemulsion + intra ocular lens) can be done.
but today i had watch it all LIVE...
and i had to slap my face to believe that it is REAL..
you know what?
it's really amazing how fast the surgeon work on such small eyes.
did you know how much patient he had operate on today?
take a guess.
3?
5?
8?
15???
hrmmm.....
actually he had operate 21 patients today!
wow.
and all finished by 2.30pm, in three different hospitals!
amazing right?

after the operations, the doctor asked me, "can anyone do 21 brain surgeries or ortophaedics surgeries in 7 hours?"
"only opthalmologist can do so many surgeries in a day!" he added with a chuckle.
i guess he is right.
brain surgery usually takes such a long, long time (you had to crack the skull open first before u reach the brain, right?)
same as orthopaedic operations, which really need patience and strength.
but no matter what department and speciality, i guess they all had their own advantages and uniqueness.
after all, they had to work on a patient as a whole human being, not as the brain, the eye or the bone, right?
ehe~

waiting for the rainbow

2010-09-26T19:06:00.000+08:00

i wish they have amnesia so dat they can stop telling bad things about me

i am an ordinary human, who was once fooled by the things that i thought may bring happines to me...
but i had found the place where i tripped and fall, and i'm standing up again now......
so please....
let me repent.
let me change.
give me a chance to prove that i am not her anymore
please....
stop making me cry.
can't you see my pure intentions?
all i ask is for you to stop gossipping.
stop talking about the past.
don't hurt my fragile heart anymore.

next time you wanna say bad things about me, think twice...
is it worth it?
i believe ALLAH is fair..
and if this is a test for me, then i hope the rainbow will come soon...
p.s. i am so sorry if i ever break your heart and sorry you didn't get what you want. but i never disturb your personal life. so i hope you do the same.

sentimental fool

2010-09-18T16:18:00.001+08:00

this few weeks,

nobody can realize the difference in me if they look superficially.

but deep beneath my skin, i've changed a lot.

my thoughts, my perception, my ways of thinking and most important, my soul.

i also did not hate myself anymore, which is a good thing cuz now i know that I AM NOT A LOSER.... (unless i think so)

i feel so great now, and more peaceful.

but i'm still afraid to be too happy...

is this real? or is it just another dream?

wanna know a secret?
there's someone that come across my dull self hating life...

we used to fight about the past. now we are crying about our future.

can two months become forever?

is it too much to ask for this moment to stop???

time, please stop and linger at this point where me and him feels so happy together...

please stop here.

don't let the traffic light turns green......

pleasee.....

but i don't wanna cry anymore. i wanna spent this two months, and make it the most unforgettable time capsule in my life.

oh how i wish this two months can be forever.

but we are so unsure of the future.

you know what?
i used to say that i wanna follow the flow.

just live playfully till december and then go back to malaysia and become someone important.

but then he came.

and made me realize. why wait till i go back to malaysia?

i can start to appreciate life NOW.

i enjoy the way we explore people together, from politician,to the parking guy.

he teach me how to respect, and how to be heard.

he reminds me of the Creator of this earth,

and he makes me feels so protected and loved.

people could be laughing at us.

and this might be my other mistakes in my life.

this might be another foolish thing i ever do in my life.

but as Dee wrote in her Recto Verso hybrid,
grow a day older and see how this sentimental fool can be....
if everything has been written down, so why worry, we say.
it's you and me with a little left of sanity.

one thing for sure, whatever this sentimental fool will turn into, it will NEVER be FORGOTTEN.......

biar apapun akhir cerita ini

2010-09-17T05:46:00.001+08:00

biar apapun akhir cerita ini,
aku tidak mungkin akan lupa kata2mu yang sering kau ulang
"ada/ tidak adanya saya, saya mau kamu jadi wanita baik2"
dan air mata kamu.
dan alunan surah2 yang kau dengarkan di telinga aku..........., hingga air mataku bercucuran........
kadang, aku merasa tidak layak untuk merasakan semua ini.
dan seringkali aku menangis kerana tidak mahu semua ini berakhir.

andai saja kita bertemu sejak dulu.
andai saja kita tidak perlu bersedih memikirkan masa depan.
dan andai saja semua masa lalu seperti kertas putih bersih..........
aku masih ingat saat semua kelihatan kelam dan kelabu,
kau bimbing aku dan berkata 'kain yang kotor jangan ditambah noda'

kepada semua hati yang telah aku sakiti, maafkan aku.
aku tahu selama ini aku bersalah kerana menyalahkan takdir.
tapi izinkanlah aku untuk bahagia.

mulai hari ini, aku tidak mahu lagi seperti dulu.
biar apa pun akhir cerita ini..............

SALAM PERANTAU

2010-09-11T10:39:00.000+08:00

assalamualaikum...
rasanya belum terlambat untuk mengucapkan "selamat hari raya" kepada semua....

p.s. harini i duty di hospital dari jam 7 pagi hingga 9 malam. online guna wireless hospital. ngeh3....

kalau makan kuih raya, ingatlah i yang jauh ni ya. hiks

rindu....

2010-08-28T15:20:00.000+08:00

tak terasa dah hari ke 18 Ramadhan.

tak lame lagi nak raye dah.

sedihlaaa..

xnak raye boleyh tak?

raye tahun lepas sangat best.

tapi raya tahun ni hambar sebab sekali lagi (dan buat kali terakhirnya) aku sambut raya di perantauan.

sepatutnya aku boleh cuti seminggu, tapi tak nak. rasanya lebih sanggup duty kat hospital dari duduk rumah. nanti sedih.

aku teringat persiapan raya tahun lepas..... kalau raya kat kampung tak sah kalau tak buat lemang.

lemang sebelum dibakar (aku yang paling expert masukkan daun dlm buluh taw). ehe~

salai ayam untuk masak rendang


babah tengah bersihkan halaman rumah nenek(aku dgn amie berposing je)

lepas tu masa pagi raya, semua berebut nak seterika baju. kadang2 malam aku dah iron semua baju. malas nak kecoh pagi2. kalau lambat mesti nenek akan cakap 'doreh doreh' (deras atau cepat)

aku dgn nenek =)

pagi2 biasanya makan lemang dengan rendang sebelum pergi sembahyang raya. lepas sembahyang raya, mesti semua dah beratur nak mintak duit raya.

tapi bukan itu yang aku rindu. (walaupun lepas ni dah tak layak dapat duit raya).

aku rindu pada sesi bermohon maaf.

rasa sebak je bila teringat tahun ni tak dapat cium tangan mama dengan babah masa hari raya... hiks....

oklah. tak nak sedih2.

lepas sesi mohon maaf, biasanya kami bergambar sama2. hehe


my beloved family

habis sesi bergambar, aku akan susun kuih raya kat ruang tamu.

alieff suka 'curik' kuih raya kat depan, jadi mama bagi dia satu tupperware untuk dia sorang. haha

tengah hari hari raya pertama, kami sekeluarga akan ke kubur arwah nenek dan atuk belah babah. lepas tu beraya kat umah keluarga babah yang lain.

memandangkan kami semua dah 'besar', biasanya naik dua kereta baru selesa.

tapi takpe. ada 'driver' baru. hehehe.

my bro, arieff a.k.a. our new driver

hari raya ketiga wajib ke kampung babah sebab ada kenduri. masa tu meriah sangat2.

kami masak sama2, main sama2, dan yang paling best, semua pakai baju warna sama!

cucu arwah Ali Bedah. tahun lepas warna coklat. tahun ni merah. wow. mesti gempak kan warna merah?

tahun ni aku dengan arieff tak beraya kat rumah (arieff baru berangkat ke US 2 minggu lepas. he's taking Chem Engineering at Ohio Statu University for two years).

mama jangan sedih okay? kan adik2 lain ada.

nanti malam raya kita boleyh webcam sama2. ehehehe~

arghh... rindunya kampung !!!

raya tahun ni tak boleh menangis.

kan raye terakhir kat makassar.

kan, kan?